That's Just What You Are - SCN

You are Clark. Not literally but figuratively. It is dangerous to care about you and down right deadly to love you. You are a hazard to yourself and to others. Because you need, and because you know how much others need.

You need to be loved. You need to be desired. You are nothing if you are not being desired, if you are not being loved, if you are not making some unwitting young girl fawn over you.

I like to think I am not unwitting, but the truth of the matter is that I NEED. I need to feel loved the same way you do, and I need to desire as much as you need to be desired. So I'm an easy target. And I'm far so I do not matter.

Why try to make a girl like you when there is no chance of having it work out? What's the logic in that? Why even attempt to cross the invisible line that separates friend from...something more? Is it an ego thing? Are you so reckless and so desperate that you can't even imagine how your "charm" is affecting them?

I've told Clark many times that he has a responsibility to the girls that like him. He has the responsibility to let them down easy and to not lead them on. He disagrees with me. He blames them for responding to him. It's as though he could never really love someone who loved him in return.

You sir, have this responsibility as well. You may not be purposely manipulative but you manipulate by encouraging the emotional progression when you have no intention of following it through. It isn't fair and it hurts.

You ask me to be gentle. But I can't be gentle, not now, not when I am hating myself for feeling like this!!! I am disgusted with myself. I feel pathetic. I want Josh. But I am afraid he will turn me out as well. I am afraid he will decide I'm not worth it. And then what will I have? For, like you, I am nothing if I am not being desired. Sad, isn't it? How can I be gentle when I can see that this will not end well. These things never do, ya know.

This move is necessary. The farther I get the better off I will be. Because this is just getting too dangerous. I think I'm gonna have to tap out. Because I am being cruel to myself in allowing these feelings I have for you to grow. I must love myself more then that.

Unrequited love is a bitch.

Such an easy target

Why the hell do boys feel the overwhelming need to fuck with me?

And why am I so God damn needy?

And while we're on the subject...

-Perfect- You're the perfect girlfriend. Which
means you're rare or that you cheated :P You're
the kind of chick that can hang out with your
boyfriend's friends and be silly. You don't
care about presents or about going to fancy
placed. Hell, just hang out. You're just happy
being around your boyfriend.


What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?
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Your boyfriend is Anthony Michael Hall. Definitely
the nerdiest of all child stars in the 80's. Be
careful though, you may be forced into an orgy
with John Hughes and Molly Ringwald. On the
upside, there will never be lack of sex with
this boy. He's a virgin though, so be gentle.


What Dorky Boyfriend Should You have?
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The Sweetest Thing - SCN

After picking up my graduation tickets and my Senior Challenge cup this morning, I popped into the Gizmo just to see if anyone was hanging out. I walked in, scanned the place, didn't see anyone I knew and was turning to leave when Linda called out "Carla, don't leave!"

"Okay," I said, and went over to the counter as Linda disappeared into the back. She emerged carrying a card and a large scented candle.

"This is from Pinky and me," she said. "Happy graduation."

Let me tell you I was dumbfounded! I know the Gizmo ladies always buy gifts for their graduating employees, but I certainly never expected them to get anything for ME!!! I mean all I ever did was eat in there all the damn time! I was just so touched that they thought of me. Just confirms what I've always said, that the Gizmo ladies are some of the nicest people on campus.

Found out later that Tina got one too. Both of us thanked Pinky at the luncheon.

They say it's gonna be nice outside tomorrow. A beautiful day for a graduation that's been a long time coming.