That's Just What You Are - SCN
Jun. 6th, 2003 01:26 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
morrigirlYou are Clark. Not literally but figuratively. It is dangerous to care about you and down right deadly to love you. You are a hazard to yourself and to others. Because you need, and because you know how much others need.
You need to be loved. You need to be desired. You are nothing if you are not being desired, if you are not being loved, if you are not making some unwitting young girl fawn over you.
I like to think I am not unwitting, but the truth of the matter is that I NEED. I need to feel loved the same way you do, and I need to desire as much as you need to be desired. So I'm an easy target. And I'm far so I do not matter.
Why try to make a girl like you when there is no chance of having it work out? What's the logic in that? Why even attempt to cross the invisible line that separates friend from...something more? Is it an ego thing? Are you so reckless and so desperate that you can't even imagine how your "charm" is affecting them?
I've told Clark many times that he has a responsibility to the girls that like him. He has the responsibility to let them down easy and to not lead them on. He disagrees with me. He blames them for responding to him. It's as though he could never really love someone who loved him in return.
You sir, have this responsibility as well. You may not be purposely manipulative but you manipulate by encouraging the emotional progression when you have no intention of following it through. It isn't fair and it hurts.
You ask me to be gentle. But I can't be gentle, not now, not when I am hating myself for feeling like this!!! I am disgusted with myself. I feel pathetic. I want Josh. But I am afraid he will turn me out as well. I am afraid he will decide I'm not worth it. And then what will I have? For, like you, I am nothing if I am not being desired. Sad, isn't it? How can I be gentle when I can see that this will not end well. These things never do, ya know.
This move is necessary. The farther I get the better off I will be. Because this is just getting too dangerous. I think I'm gonna have to tap out. Because I am being cruel to myself in allowing these feelings I have for you to grow. I must love myself more then that.
Unrequited love is a bitch.
You need to be loved. You need to be desired. You are nothing if you are not being desired, if you are not being loved, if you are not making some unwitting young girl fawn over you.
I like to think I am not unwitting, but the truth of the matter is that I NEED. I need to feel loved the same way you do, and I need to desire as much as you need to be desired. So I'm an easy target. And I'm far so I do not matter.
Why try to make a girl like you when there is no chance of having it work out? What's the logic in that? Why even attempt to cross the invisible line that separates friend from...something more? Is it an ego thing? Are you so reckless and so desperate that you can't even imagine how your "charm" is affecting them?
I've told Clark many times that he has a responsibility to the girls that like him. He has the responsibility to let them down easy and to not lead them on. He disagrees with me. He blames them for responding to him. It's as though he could never really love someone who loved him in return.
You sir, have this responsibility as well. You may not be purposely manipulative but you manipulate by encouraging the emotional progression when you have no intention of following it through. It isn't fair and it hurts.
You ask me to be gentle. But I can't be gentle, not now, not when I am hating myself for feeling like this!!! I am disgusted with myself. I feel pathetic. I want Josh. But I am afraid he will turn me out as well. I am afraid he will decide I'm not worth it. And then what will I have? For, like you, I am nothing if I am not being desired. Sad, isn't it? How can I be gentle when I can see that this will not end well. These things never do, ya know.
This move is necessary. The farther I get the better off I will be. Because this is just getting too dangerous. I think I'm gonna have to tap out. Because I am being cruel to myself in allowing these feelings I have for you to grow. I must love myself more then that.
Unrequited love is a bitch.
