The End is Near - SCN

I wish I could tell them. I wish I could tell Mike, Abby, Allie, and Stesha that none of this is important. That it will fade out and in a year, two years, they won't feel the pain or the hurt or the longing or the love anymore. In ten years they won't even reember the names of anyone on this site. I wish I could tell them, but they can't be told. Because experential learning is the key to growth. We gotta fall and we gotta do it willingly. That's life.

The end is near. I've already written 3 entries today on my alternate journal. For some reason I just didn't want to put them here. They...didn't feel like they'd fit. All day I've just wanted to write in my new journal, so that's what I've been doing. I like it. I like it knowing that no one is reading it but me. I like knowing that my secrets are finally secret for good. No friends, no family, not even strangers reading my thoughts.

In the beginning having a public journal was very freeing. But now I'm rediscovering the freedom of secrecy and anonymity which is very fitting as I head back to the city to become another nameless face once again.

Make me stop

you have an ominosity quotient of five. you are somewhat more ominous than average. find out your ominosity quotient.

(no subject)

I'm feeling strangely obligated to update this journal with some actual WRITING!!! Imagine that.

My Mom and brother are arriving tomorrow. YAY!!! I never thought I'd ever be HAPPY to see my mom. But i need some of that "oh honey we're so proud of you" parental lovin. Been feeling kinda lonely and worthless lately so I need some one to tell my how fabulous I am.

Today is gonna be all about the packing. Gayle arrives tomorrow as well, and i need to at least clear room for her to sleep. It's gonna be quite a challenge since at the moment it looks like a Carla exploded in here.

Wish me luckiness.

Carla

Mi Vida Loca - SCN

This has been the strangest fucking day.

On my way over to Williston this afternoon I almost walked right past Christopher Green! Dude, he looks SOOOOO different. He cut all his hair off. ALL OF IT!!! And the kid lost 40 pounds!!! He looks incredible! I didn't think he could get any cuter, well he proved he could. And he says he's still working on losing more weight. I'm telling you if he develops muscles I will faint from delight! I am ALMOST tempted to just go over to his hotel room and throw myself at him! I mean, the guy hasn't been laid in 4 years so ya know he could use a little action.

Well I treated him, Gemma, and Adam to dinner at the Landmark. We talked about writing and teachers and Buffy and all the usual stuff. (Which reminds me I need to call all the local eating establishments tonight and see if any of them have openings for Saturday. Landmark doesn't.)

After that I came home and began packing. Will came over and as is typical of Will suggested that we get it on now that we're graduating and don't have to worry about repercussions. I told him I really wasn't prepared to fuck anyone this evening. But he was persistent, he kissed me and I let him. That kinda sucked. He can't kiss for shit, then again he hasn't had much practice so we gotta cut him some slack. Anyway, I just wasn't feeling anything, as usual. I didn't want to sleep with him. One night stands aren't my style anymore. Neither is desperation. So I sent him away. Frankly he's lucky to have gotten a kiss out of me.

I knew he would try it though. I wasn't surprised and I doubt he was surprised that I turned him down. After all, it is tradition.

Back to the pack!