Cellophane - SCN

I'm so sick of being alone. Even when I'm relatively healthy, when I'm not doing anything wrong, guys still seem unable to develop any deep feelings for me.

Maybe I'm looking in the wrong places. Maybe it's time to go back to dating girls. Girls get me in ways that guys just can't. Maybe I'm cold. I don't think I am though.

Why when I do everything right do I still get the boot? Every guy points to this undefinable something. Some call it intensity, others call it instability, others call it chemistry, but whatever it is, it pushes men away.

I doubt anyone on this earth will ever find me worth the trouble. I don't know why, I just know no one will.

Foggy Day

I don't feel like writing it all out so I'll just quote the feedback i left in noog's journal earlier tonight.

"tonight the guy I've been casually dating gave me my wallking papers. Says he likes hanging out with me but just can't "feel" anything for me. I'm sick of feeling so fucking defective!"

What's wrong with me???

On the Prowl - SCN

I finally did it. Today i sent out my very first resumes to potential employers. I responded to two ads in the Village Voice, one for the position of Legal Assistant at Lambda Legal, and another for a receptionist position.

Now that I don't have Josh to think about, I need something to do with myself so the job search is gonna take his place. Isn't that fuct up? I can only do one thing at a time, and everything I do is aimed at keeping myself from actually evaluating my life. Josh was my distraction and now that I won't be seeing him anymore, I'm using the job hunt as a distraction. I've been online all day today just looking up resume emailing etiquette and researching various organizations.

Pretty screwed up don'tcha think? On the down side, job hunting is merely a way of distracting myself from the fact that Josh gave me my walking papers, but on the up side, his decision made me get serious about the job search.

I sure do work in mysterious ways.

Jobby Job

Welp I finally started submitting resumes today. Funny how motivated a severing of ties can make you. Applied for a receptionist position, and for a Legal Assitant position at Lambda Legal Defense.

I'd really love to work at Lambda, it sounds so very cool. I've got my fingers crossed, you should too.

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