Shades of Scarlet Conquering

Loud music playing. The Tri Delts down the hall are getting drunk as usual.

I am watching Homicide on Court TV as usual.

I am still reflecting on Kevin. One part of me wants to jump right back into the dating pool. Another part of me says wait. I've lost three in a row now. three strikes you are out. I went two strikes over the last time and wound up losing my mind. Don't wanna do that again.

It's awful. I finally get over all of my commitment issues and then nobody wants to be with me. Paul says it'll happen when it happens. But I want it now. I feel so lonely. I'm not co dependent but there is something in my head that still believes you are only worth something if you have a bf or gf. I know thats not true. Many of my friends are single and they are absolutely priceless. But we hold ourselves to a different standard than we hold others.

Goddess those bitches down the hall are so loud! They've been blaring music for 5 hours. I've a good mind to make a noise complaint.

I think Kevin has blocked me on his IM list. I didn't see him online at all today which is very unusual. He's always online when he is at work.

While I'm wallowing I think now is the perfect time to mention that not only does Marc have a new girlfriend but that he has been totally ignoring me since we got back on campus. hasn't said hi to me ONCE!!!!! Dipshit.

A little advice to the boys out there. treat your women with respect. Always be completely honest with them even if the truth is painful. NEVER USE ANYONE FOR SEX unless she is doing the same to you. Don't be afraid of the words I Love You. Any person who says them honestly is worthy of your heart.

Hunter - The Waiting

All things considered I guess today has been a fairly decent day. I went to the mall and bought some Ibuprofen which I desperately needed. It was the first time I have been off campus in a week. When I came home Steffi and Tina were playing Tekken. I sat down and did some philosophy reading. I need to do a lot of homework tonight since I didn't do any yesterday.

I wanted to perform a purification ritual tonight but I think Tina plans on being in all night so I'll have to wait till tomorrow.

I woke up this morning feeling somewhat empowered. I was happy about the fact that I was single and that I didn't have to worry about hopping on IM to talk to Kevin, or call him or anything. I just got up and took a nice long shower. I listened to music. I got dressed very slowly. I did stuff that I wanted to do. And there was no one to interfere with it. Don't get me wrong I still feel defective and worthless...but maybe a little less so than i did yesterday.

I ran into Clark today and told him about Kevin and I. He told me he thinks his current relationship is going to tank very soon as well. We've both been on an amazing losing streak romance wise. Neither of us can find someone who respects our fine points enough to learn how to deal with our bad ones. Clark says one day we will show all of them. One day we will both find that amazing someone and then they will see what they missed out on. I hope he is right.

But until then I'm going to do what I do best and thats pretend I'm an intellectual. Emerging myself in school work helps take my mind of my own patheticness. I can focus on other things, important things like getting straight As. (I can dream cant I?)

Well I guess I'm gonna go home now and do my fiction homework. I have to workshop 20 ten page stories by tuesday! Robin is out of his fucking gord!

See you later.

Carla