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Don't Interrupt the Sorrow
Feb. 1st, 2002 03:51 pmI was right. last night kevin and i broke up.
:(
Even though I wasnt in love with him and i knew this was only temporary and i knew that he was an ass, i still feel like i have failed in some way even though it wasnt at all my fault. Kevin just said that he wants all the good things in a relationship without having to deal with any of the bad. he wants me to deal with his shit without having to deal with mine in return. He said he was obviously too slefish to be in a relationship and that it wasnt fair to me. Also he said he couldnever be with me due to long term differences, like the fact that i dont want children and that i am not catholic. I wonder why he even asked me out for a second date in that case.
After we got off the phone Dave and lindsey comforted me for a little while. Then I went home and talked to my brother on the phone and cried my eyes out to him. Michael said that boys intheir twenties are not fully formed yet. they dont really start maturing until they turn thirty. i trust him because he is a guy and he knows these things. But then thats depressing cuase it means i have to wait another 8-10 years before i can even HOPE to find anyone worthwhile. Its been a long time since ive met a girl i liked so im not optimistic on that front either.
I just always feel like there is something inherently wrong with me. That i was born defective. I dont know if I simply reppel nice people or attract weirdos. Danielle said Kevin was parasitic. Gemma cheered when I told her wed broken up. She said he was an ass and she never liked him. i asked her why she had never mentioned this to me before? If she had maybe i could have saved myslef some trouble. I think she started hating him because of the whole racism arguement. Its just as well. i of all people should not have been dating a prejudiced bigot!
its not him i feel sad about losing. I feel bad that i have once again scared someone off. this is becoming a regular occurrence and i hate it.
:(
Even though I wasnt in love with him and i knew this was only temporary and i knew that he was an ass, i still feel like i have failed in some way even though it wasnt at all my fault. Kevin just said that he wants all the good things in a relationship without having to deal with any of the bad. he wants me to deal with his shit without having to deal with mine in return. He said he was obviously too slefish to be in a relationship and that it wasnt fair to me. Also he said he couldnever be with me due to long term differences, like the fact that i dont want children and that i am not catholic. I wonder why he even asked me out for a second date in that case.
After we got off the phone Dave and lindsey comforted me for a little while. Then I went home and talked to my brother on the phone and cried my eyes out to him. Michael said that boys intheir twenties are not fully formed yet. they dont really start maturing until they turn thirty. i trust him because he is a guy and he knows these things. But then thats depressing cuase it means i have to wait another 8-10 years before i can even HOPE to find anyone worthwhile. Its been a long time since ive met a girl i liked so im not optimistic on that front either.
I just always feel like there is something inherently wrong with me. That i was born defective. I dont know if I simply reppel nice people or attract weirdos. Danielle said Kevin was parasitic. Gemma cheered when I told her wed broken up. She said he was an ass and she never liked him. i asked her why she had never mentioned this to me before? If she had maybe i could have saved myslef some trouble. I think she started hating him because of the whole racism arguement. Its just as well. i of all people should not have been dating a prejudiced bigot!
its not him i feel sad about losing. I feel bad that i have once again scared someone off. this is becoming a regular occurrence and i hate it.
