A Word About Titles

[morrigirl]

I've gotten into the habit of browsing the romance section over on PaperBack Swap, not because I'm looking for something to read, but because I get a huge kick out of some of those book titles. Romance novels, category romances in particular, have some of the most ridiculous titles. We're talking titles that tell you the entire story in four words so you don't actually have to buy or read the book, and yet...people do!

Here are a few examples. I assure you these are, in fact, real titles of actual romance novels.

*clears throat*

The Multi-Millionaire's Virgin Mistress (Wait...isn't "virgin mistress" an oxymoron?)

The Prince's Royal Concubine (Wait...didn't we just discuss this one?)

Argentinian Playboy, Unexpected Love-Child (Because what's hotter than an unplanned pregnancy?)

Bedded for Passion, Purchased for Pregnancy (Because the only thing sexier than an unplanned pregnancy is the fantasy of becoming a brood mare.)

And, my personal favorite...

My Sister, Myself (I'm betting this one was released exclusively in West Virginia.)

Why do women buy this stuff by the truckload, and why can't I make money writing it? Oh, right, because I'm a cynic who derives pleasure from unhappy endings because she finds their realism refreshing. Yeah, I could never write romance, not even the schlocky variety. I'd probably make the playboy force his mistress to abort the love-child, and have the virgin leave the millionaire after he lost all his money in a freak "economic downturn." But...I'd have the brother and sister live happily ever after :-)

Comments

[gender-euphoric.livejournal.com]

For some reason as I was reading this I assumed the "My Sister, Myself" protagonist would be female. So it wasn't just incest, but lesbian incest. Or possibly just self-love.

[morrigirl.livejournal.com]

There was a picture of a guy and a girl embracing on the cover, so when I read the word "sister" I immediately thought "incest."

Your assumption is probably much healthier than mine.

[gender-euphoric.livejournal.com]

after you mentioning paperback swap quite a few times on here i'm finally going to check it out. i have quite a few books with very little resale value, but someone out there must want a gay humor book from 1995.

[morrigirl.livejournal.com]

I've actually seen "So You Want to be a Lesbian" offered up more than once out there.

[gender-euphoric.livejournal.com]

oh god do you know what that reminds me of? a certain RA, taking that quiz in the back of that, in our room. leaning on my bed i think, and all i could think of at the time was "please put down my book and stop leaning on my bed!" LOL

[morrigirl.livejournal.com]

Ah, yes, how could I forget? Who the hell invited her in anyway? I can't imagine it was either of us.

[gender-euphoric.livejournal.com]

I suppose she thought she had dominion over all the rooms in our suite and all items contained in the rooms.
As she was taking that quiz, I think my mindset towards her was something like "you are just embarrassing yourself, hetero!"

[morrigirl.livejournal.com]

LMAO

Dude, you kill me.

[gender-euphoric.livejournal.com]

i have no idea where this wellspring of 11 year old animosity towards her is coming from. lol

[greenblackevil.livejournal.com]

But your writing is awesome! I'd rather read your take on a romance novel than an actual one any day!

Wait, that might actually be your market. You could make a fortune on snarky tragic-romance. You could become the Charlotte Bronte of modern social media. The Virginia Woolf of Virgin Mistresses. The Unexpected Lovechild or Ursula LeGuin. Think about it, Carla. That power could be YOURS!

[legman666.livejournal.com]

"Sister Christian - Night Ranger"

MOTORIN'! WHAT'S YOUR PRICE FOR FLIGHT!

[morrigirl.livejournal.com]

OMG, Shark (if that is your real name), I think you and I just had a psychic moment. I woke up this morning with Sister Christian in my head. I don't know how it got in there but I've been silently singing the chorus for the last two and half hours. Freeeeaky.

[morrigirl.livejournal.com]

Um...wait, scratch that. It's not a psychic moment when I mention the song in question right in my LJ post. *smacks her forehead*

[legman666.livejournal.com]

lol!