morrigirl | The Party

Today I have been faced with my first real job related challenge: deciding whether or not to attend the staff Halloween party. Well, it's nt REALLY a staff Halloween party, rather it's a Halloween party that Charles is having to which he has invited all of his co-workers, along with other people he knows. It's gonna be your typical drink and mingle sort of affair.

It doesn't sound like much of a decision does it? After all, what have I been bitching about for the last two weeks? My lonliness and desire for a social life. Well all of my co-workers will be there, all the "cool kids" as I've come to call them. It'll be a chance for me to socialize and get in good with them outside the work environment. Nothing but good can come of that right? So what's the problem?

Well, I haven't attended a party in about five years. I stopped going to themfor three reasons: 1) I don't drink and as a consequence find it difficult to have fun at parties where most of the attendees are drinking. 2) I'm no good at mingling. I never know what to say to strangers. My social ineptitude is readily apparent insuch situations and I typically wind up sitting alone in a corner somewhere looking and feeling like an idiot, and 3) because of #'s 1 and 2 I usually don't have any fun at parties.

So my dilemma is this: should I go even though history tells me that I won't have fun? Or should I just stay home? In all honesty, I want to go, but I'm just so afraid my social ineptitude will exile me to the corner all night, tus revealing what a silly, stupid, little girl I am to all of my co-workers. I don't want them to know how pathetic I am. I'm afraid if they know I'll become a permanent outcast around here. I don't want to go and then end up feeling worse as is usually the case when I go to a party.

I don't know what to do, and since I'm conflicted I probably just won't go. Better safe than sorry.