The Party

[morrigirl]

Today I have been faced with my first real job related challenge: deciding whether or not to attend the staff Halloween party. Well, it's nt REALLY a staff Halloween party, rather it's a Halloween party that Charles is having to which he has invited all of his co-workers, along with other people he knows. It's gonna be your typical drink and mingle sort of affair.

It doesn't sound like much of a decision does it? After all, what have I been bitching about for the last two weeks? My lonliness and desire for a social life. Well all of my co-workers will be there, all the "cool kids" as I've come to call them. It'll be a chance for me to socialize and get in good with them outside the work environment. Nothing but good can come of that right? So what's the problem?

Well, I haven't attended a party in about five years. I stopped going to themfor three reasons: 1) I don't drink and as a consequence find it difficult to have fun at parties where most of the attendees are drinking. 2) I'm no good at mingling. I never know what to say to strangers. My social ineptitude is readily apparent insuch situations and I typically wind up sitting alone in a corner somewhere looking and feeling like an idiot, and 3) because of #'s 1 and 2 I usually don't have any fun at parties.

So my dilemma is this: should I go even though history tells me that I won't have fun? Or should I just stay home? In all honesty, I want to go, but I'm just so afraid my social ineptitude will exile me to the corner all night, tus revealing what a silly, stupid, little girl I am to all of my co-workers. I don't want them to know how pathetic I am. I'm afraid if they know I'll become a permanent outcast around here. I don't want to go and then end up feeling worse as is usually the case when I go to a party.

I don't know what to do, and since I'm conflicted I probably just won't go. Better safe than sorry.

Comments

[morrigirl.livejournal.com]

I've started refering to them as the "cool kids" because of the recent realization that not only do I have the emotional maturity of an 11 year old, but that my world view is similar to that of an eleven year old. Example: I feel like an outcast...pretty much all the time. And while I could come up with all sorts of grown up words and metaphors explaining why, inside myself the feeling is very simple. It's the feeling I've had since I was a kid, since the first time my best friends back stabbed me in fourth grade. It's that simple black and white, us and them distincition; the cool kids and the not cool kids. Personally i find it easier to understand my life when I'm defining it in adolescent terms.

[irishelf.livejournal.com]

do you think it's possible that everyone still feels...simply? that we all have the same feelings that developed before adolescence, and all growing up does is give us more words and metaphors why? so, maybe everyone has the emotional maturity of an eleven year old, because that's when emotions stop maturing, and you just don't notice it in everyone else because they're using grown-up words, and you're not in their heads. you're only in your own.

[morrigirl.livejournal.com]

An interesting theory. Too bad there's not way to immediately confirm it :-p