Forgive or Forget?

[morrigirl]

Folk wisdom tells us we need to either forgive or forget.

Since I find it very difficult to forgive I usually opt to forget. Of course, I don't ACTUALLY forget. Rather, I choose not to think about the specified occurences when going forward.

Which method do you prefer?

Comments

[skoriaan.livejournal.com]

Both. And Neither.

Forgiving is hard. And takes time, for me. But Forgetting, seems counterproductive. I think forgiveness is better, but what about those cases where one can't? It's my inability to forgive, or forget that kept me from being friends with Clark B. for....years. Still, I haven't really forgiven him, and the offensive act is no longer relevant. I havn't forgotten..but it being irrellavent, makes the forgivness seem a moot point. And we don't talk.

I think Forgiveness is my prefered method. Forgetting to me seems like it would lead to a stagnation, and lack of learning (on my part).

But, I think I do a bit of what you do as well.

Things are never just black and white are they. Shades of gray...

M.

[sunflower1220.livejournal.com]

I'm usually in favor of forgiving, and forgetting, but I very seldom if ever forget. For some odd reason forgiving comes so much easier to me.

[zombie-dog.livejournal.com]

I have to forgive because I can't forget.

Also, not forgiving tends to KILL me, same as not being forgiven. Angry relationships make me very upset.

Though ... there is ONE exception to that, lately; a guy who really has put out a lot of slander about me because I'm poly, and misinterpreted a lot of things that I've done, and spoken for people who didn't want to be spoken for. I don't feel the need to forgive him. I'd just rather he not be involved in my life. I guess that's forgetting rather than forgiving.

[ninquark.livejournal.com]

((I missed this post originally! My two cents, albeit a bit late.))

I've never heard the folk wisdom of "Forgive or forget", though a short running TV talk show once had this title. I have frequently heard the folk wisdom of "Forgive and forget", with the idea being that once you have forgiven somebody then you go about forgetting it, or putting it out of your mind. Certainly, most people have difficulty as it is forgiving, leaving forgetting a past insult or indiscretion impossible. Since for everyone save the forgetful have such difficulty forcibly forgetting information, I've always interpreted the forgetting as something else...

If you forgive somebody for a past transgression then don't hold it over their head. No, you can't forget it, but forgiving and forgetting is not a deal or obligation but an undeserved blessing. To forget after forgiving means you will not hold the forgiveness over the forgiven's head, that the forgiveness is not balanced by future obligation of the offender. By including "and forget" to forgiveness it prevents the forgiveness from being an exchange and maintains the grace and unmerited quality of forgiveness. If the forgiveness is treated as forgotten, no further redress is necessary to maintain the pardon.

That is my interpretation of the phrase "To forgive and forget", and it follows my preference for forgiveness. To me, it is more satisfying than choosing to forgive or forget.