Random Thoughts about People

[morrigirl]

I'm ready for everyone in the world to drop dead. Unfortunately I'd be very lonely if that happened. But I'm just sick and tired of people. Sick of not having any friends, sick of the idiots I live with, sick of the idiots who won't give me a job, sick of knowing there's no one else out there who needs me as much as I need them.

I think kdc4evr is mad at me cause I told her something last night I don't think she wanted to hear.

Got an email from ninquark today. That actually made me kinda happy. It's nice to get random email from people you didn't think even remembered you were alive.

silent_t will be here in a little over a week. I'm obnoxiously excited about that. A PERSON!!! A person other than my Mom for me to have some one on one interaction with!!!! It's so exciting. When she's here I'll actually be able to get out of the house.

Why the hell doesn't anyone ever want to talk to me?

Comments

[kdc4evr.livejournal.com]

you dont like unsolicited advice, right? it pisses you off. you generally dont put much stock in other people's opinions if they're different from yours or you dont want to hear them

so why in the hell should I be any different? you are not in my situation nor do you know anything about the other personalities involved.

when you're looking for sympathy you dont want someone telling you that it's not gonna get any better unless you do something you're incapable of doing, am I right?

[morrigirl.livejournal.com]

What the fuck did you want me to say Gayle? "Oh yeah Chris is being so weird! What's his probelm? Why the hell won't he tell you anything about his personal life when you don't tell him shit about yours?!" Damn what a jerk!" I wasn't gonna say that cause that's not what I was thinking, nor was it something I thought you would benefit from hearing. I'm your friend and part of being someones friend is telling them the truth once in a while.

I would have been happy to offer sympathy if you were in an unfixable situation. But you have a problem that YOU CAN REMEDY!!! You have in no way shown me that you are INCAPABLE of opening your mouth and talking to Chris about what is bothering you. You are quite physically able to. You just CHOOSE NOT TO. Which is fine. I just wanted to make sure that you were aware of the fact that since you are choosing not to act you are creating your own suffering. You can bitch and moan about everyone else but at the end of the day the blame lies at your fucking doorstep.

I'm not telling you to do anything you don't want to do. I wasn't telling you to last night. I'm just pointing out the fact that if you are not willing to act you cannot expect to get what you want. I've known you for five years. I have seen you get about and take action when you've run out of options. I know when you need to you can summon up the courage. So i don't understand how after a year of wondering about Chris you haven't yet reached the point where you swallow your fear and just TALK TO HIM!!!!

Sorry for being fucking HONEST WITH YOU!!! Sorry for trying to be a FUCKING FRIEND!!!! I can stop being honest if you'd like. I can never say anything you don't like ever again for the rest of my life, would that help? It's not like you've never said anything to ME that I didn't like. I don't get all fucking bent out of shape about it though.

[kdc4evr.livejournal.com]

you may have known me for 5 yrs but you do not know Chris nor is he the type of person you can really understand without meeting him. Therefore I dont think what you had to say is right.

and dammit I do tell him shit about my life!

and our differing/conflicting schedules that keep me from seeing him or being able to talk to him as much as I like is an unfixable situation. 'cause I think if he had the chance to tell me, he would.

[morrigirl.livejournal.com]

Do I know your friends? Of course not. I know you. So I was speaking as someone who knows you, who knows what you are like, what you are capable of, and what has troubled you in the past. I was speaking as someone who does not like to see you unhappy. I was telling the person i know how I thought she could correct a situation that was making her unhappy. I could give two shits about what Chris is like. You were the only person I cared about.

If you thought my advice was wrong based on the kind of person Chris is why didn't you just tell me that? Or better yet explain it to me? I'm curious why my idea of you simply talking to him wouldn't work.

And if it's the schedule that's the problem than why the hell is this bothering you so much? If you know it's not because he doesn't trust you, and you know it isn't anything you've done, and you KNOW it's the scheduling problem, why get your panties all in a bunch?

[kdc4evr.livejournal.com]

because I can

[morrigirl.livejournal.com]

So basically you are knowingly and actively choosing to be upset?

[kdc4evr.livejournal.com]

um, no

I dont have much control over what my mind does when left to it's own devices
particularly when I'm on the bus or extremely tired

[morrigirl.livejournal.com]

So basically you are getting upset over nothing?

[kdc4evr.livejournal.com]

whatever, it's over now anyways

And PS

[morrigirl.livejournal.com]

If you didn't want any advice you could have just said "Carla, I'm not really looking for advice right now, I just need someone to listen and give me support." That would have shut me up real fast.

[afraidofliving.livejournal.com]

Would you mind dropping me a line by email? There's something I want to ask you.....

puregrungerock@hotmail.com.

*HUGS*