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Lonely Girl
Jun. 27th, 2003 02:59 pmIt is definitely summer in NYC. Humid, hazy. The ballers are in full effect and none of them are wearing shirts. I swear their biceps and six packs are enough to make a girl go bad. The heat is so awful I'm finding it difficult to go for walks. For the last two days I've only been able to make it to 75th street before having to turn around. And I'm smellier then I have ever been in my whole life. It's one of those weeks where just sitting in one place causes the sweat to pour down your back. I had to take 4 showers yesterday. AND I STILL STINK!!! But at least I'm getting out. That gotta count for something since I don't have many pressing engagements aoutside the house these days.
The heat plays a big part in it. It's no fun being outside in weather like this. Not having a job factors in as well cause I don't have any reason to leave my house. My two city friends are both working so I never get to hang out with them. Josh...hasn't been calling. I think he's pretty much done with me. So...all I do is read and play on the internet. And it's sad.
Being alone and bored makes me depressed. It's been two weeks now and I haven't sent out a single resume. i think I'm scared of working. I'm scared of the idea that this is going to be the rest of my life: get up, go to work, come home, go to sleep, get up and do it again tomorrow. It's saddening. I don't want my go no where job to be my life. That's not what i signed up for. So I think Im trying to delay that by not sending out any resumes. Pretty stupid huh?
Just lonely lonely lonely. Sad because I think Josh is kind of throwing me out. Which isn't really all that unexpected since we were only casually dating but we all know how I am. I lose any semblence of self worth if no one is around to desire me. Need to be desired in order to feel good about myself.
Maybe I could be a nun. Then I wouldn't have to worry about men or the future.
The heat plays a big part in it. It's no fun being outside in weather like this. Not having a job factors in as well cause I don't have any reason to leave my house. My two city friends are both working so I never get to hang out with them. Josh...hasn't been calling. I think he's pretty much done with me. So...all I do is read and play on the internet. And it's sad.
Being alone and bored makes me depressed. It's been two weeks now and I haven't sent out a single resume. i think I'm scared of working. I'm scared of the idea that this is going to be the rest of my life: get up, go to work, come home, go to sleep, get up and do it again tomorrow. It's saddening. I don't want my go no where job to be my life. That's not what i signed up for. So I think Im trying to delay that by not sending out any resumes. Pretty stupid huh?
Just lonely lonely lonely. Sad because I think Josh is kind of throwing me out. Which isn't really all that unexpected since we were only casually dating but we all know how I am. I lose any semblence of self worth if no one is around to desire me. Need to be desired in order to feel good about myself.
Maybe I could be a nun. Then I wouldn't have to worry about men or the future.
