I Talk Pretty Someday

This is awesome. Found it on keeperoflists.com. It is slightly altered, I got rid of all the stupid items on the list. Now it's funny :D

19 Ways to Annoy your English Teacher

1 Everytime she says 'who' correct her to say 'whom' even if its incorrect

2 insist on speaking and writing in the third person

3 Speak to her only in Ebonics

4 Add extra apostrophe's in all your sentence's

5 Correct her whenever she says 'good' instead of 'well'

6 Speak like Yoda.

7 Write in old English i.e. "Ða wæs on burgum Beowulf Scyldinga, etc."

8 When the teacher teaches a new rule, ask her to prove it with a T-proof

9 Forget to finish your senten

10 Speak and write only in Pig Latin - claim it is your native language

11 Use Internet Shorthand and smilies in all of your papers

12 Read everything out loud, in a British accent.

13 Two words: 'Double Negatives'

14 Dress like Vader; claim english books for the good of the Empire

15 petition to ban this "subjunctive mood" crap from the language

16 Do homework in Spanish

17 Answer every question with a Monty Python quote

18 Write every essay backwards. Bottom to top, right to left.

19 Talk like Jar Jar

It's almost midnight. Got two tests and a paper due tomorrow. Can't work on the paper cuz all the computers in Founders are in use. Not studying for the tests because the internet is way more fun.

It's kinda scary when you reach the point where you stop worrying about your grades. Ya know...BEFORE the end of the term. *shrugs* oh well. I wonder what's on Comedy Central?

Quote of the Week

I've been meaning to do this for a while, and since I'm procrastinating, now is as good a time as ever.

For the past few weeks everyone around me has been saying these absolutely fabulous things! And every week there is always one that just tops all the others. So I wrote down the best of the best and made a list of what I can the "Quote of the Week." Thus far I have six quotes, whihc is of course, six weeks worth. I kept meaning to include them at the end of my journal entries but I always forgot. So now I'm just gonna crunch em all into a single entry.

The saying that spawned the idea of "quote of the week" was uttered six weeks ago by none of then Gemma Truman who, quoting Dave Griffin's comedy routine said:

"I'm so Goth I shit bats."

Week 2: Nathan Thompson from Durang Durang

"ARTICHOKE CONTAINS THREE WORDS. ART. CHOKE. AND ICH."

Week 3: Christopher Green to yours truly

"I was disturbed long before you sunk your harpy claws into me."

Week 4: Written on a stall in the Ladies room of Old Main

"Paper towels are wastful, use your pants."

Week 5: Rob Smith after telling us the melodramatic story of how Sylvia Plath and Ted Hughes met.

"Where's your lover? I ATE HER!!!"

Week 6: Tonight outside Seymour Union Gemma cracked me up with the following,

"Anger leads to hate, hate leads to Postmodernism."

Poppet

I need a hug.

I just got a very rude email from Monica. I finally replied to her today asking when and how she would like me to turn in my portfolio seeing as I do not have a printer in New York. She sent me back this very curt and sarcastic email that was completely uncalled for. I know I wasn't the least bit prompt in getting back to her but EXCUSE ME, after my boyfriend KILLED HIMSELF the portfolio stopped seeming so fucking important. I know she has been very kind to grant me all these extensions, but it's not like I don't worry about this shit! It's not like I wasn't plagued by hours of fucking anxiety surrounding it all damn summer. It's not like the time it's gonna take her to read the darn thing will even come close to the number of hours I spent laboring over single SENTENCES!!!

Her email was so rude it made me cry! Teachers NEVER make me cry. They piss me the fuck off, but they don't make me cry. And I have my psych final in 35 minutes and I can't focus. All I can think of is how mean Monica was. If I fail this test I'm blaming her.

I'm trying to refrain from writing an impassioned response. I don't want to piss her off seeing that she is gonna be giving me a grade. But I've never been good about holding my tongue with teachers. Once they have belittled me, all bets are off. They are no longer worthy of my respect and I have every right to insult the shit out of them. Of course this has gotten me into loads of trouble in my life, still I always tell stupid teachers what I think of them and never feel bad for doing so regardless of the consequences.

Eh, it's just one more name to add to my hit list, which is getting pretty lengthy now. when i get back to NYC I'm gonna have to have an all night Voodoo-A-Thon one evening and hex the fuck out of every one who's pissed me off this term. I'll start with Mary and work my way down through Monica. Maybe if I'm really lucky, Monica will die before I turn in my portfolio and someone else will have to evaluate it. :)