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Riding in Cars With Boys
Jul. 29th, 2002 12:23 amYUCK :P I hate nature.
I didn't have much, or rather, any fun in the Poconos, which I learned this weekend is NOT spelled with an H. I thought it was. I'm probably thinking od Pocahantes. Ah strange word associations.
Yeah, it was further confirmed this weekend that me and nature just don't jive which is kind of ironic since I'm a witch and we have a sacred duty to be tree huggers. But everything in the Poconos just made me feel bad. The winding bumpy roads made me car sick everytime we went out for a drive. And, like every place else in the world that isn't NYC, one needs to drive to get anywhere in the Poconos. So after the first day I pretty much stayed in the house.
Furthermore I felt as though people were making much too big a fuss over me. Greg and Cathy were very uptight about getting me fed. Yes, we all know I have peculiar eating habits, always have, always will. But they did a good job of stocking the cabinet full of things I'd like so I wasn't worried. But they were. Greg would ask me a million times a day what I wanted for dinner, and I'd never know. We don't plan meals alot in my house, we just eat what we feel like eating. I just felt like there was all this pressure being put on me to eat. And I didn't want Greg to have to go out of his way and make something special just for me if he really wanted to make something I didn't eat. I tried to get him to realize he didn't need to worry about me, that I would be able to find something in their frige, just worry about the rest of the family. But they all kept harping on me about food all weekend! What do you want? Do we have it? You have to decide! I have a hard enough time deciding what to eat when i'm only serving myself, but when i had to worry about inconviniencing four other poeple it made the task of deciding HUGE! I almost cried about it a couple of times. I get confused and scared when people put pressure on me. I shut down. My mind becomes paralyzed and I can't make decisions.
Also they were way too concerned with keeping me entertained. Same problem as with the food, I know how to entertain myself, and right now I'm feeling more inclined to be alone then I normally do. So when they would suggest stuff for me to do that I really didn't want to do i wuldn't know what to say or how to think or what! We went antiquing one day and that was fun until I started getting car sick and hungry. They asked me if I wanted to go swimming, boating, biking, none of which I emjoy at all. I tried to go swimming. We went out to the in door pool, but when we got there it was noisy and crowded, and I get nervous in crowds. And the water was cold. It made my insides feel even colder. So I didn't swim.
All I wanted to do was relax, sleep, read my books and be alone to think. But I didn't have space to do that even out in the sticks. There was too much pressure to be "on" and it made me shut down. I'll be damned if anyone gets me back up there any time soon.
Saw a cool movie this weekend though. We rented Riding in Cars with Boys which was very funny and not what I expected at all. From the titile I thought coming of age story or a romantic omedy. Wrong, it's about family, specifically parents and children. It was very funny and very smart. I want to read the book now.
And i didn't get to tell you about my appointment with Dr. Jonas did I? I waited all week for nothing! the guy is a total schmuck! He got realy hung up on parts of my life that had nothing to do with my issues. For instance we spoke forever about my religious beliefs when religion doesn't even rank on Carla's top ten list of problems. He made the mistake of telling me that my feelings and actions were flat out WRONG which is a big no no in therapy. A shrink is not suppose to make value judegments, it makes the patient feel vulnerable and if they feel attacked they will not be open. This guy is a grade A loser and we are gonna need to find me someone with a little compassion.
Derek called while I was away, left a new number for me to reach him at. I'll try it tomorrow and hope he is there.
Anyway I'm tired. I should go to bed. But I'm not gonna. I'm gonna stay up and watch TV. I'm hungry too. But it's not real hunger, it's bored hunger. I want to eat because I have nothing else to do. Also because I felt such an aversion to food this weekend I feel as though I should stuff myself now. I hope I can restrain myself.
Carla
I didn't have much, or rather, any fun in the Poconos, which I learned this weekend is NOT spelled with an H. I thought it was. I'm probably thinking od Pocahantes. Ah strange word associations.
Yeah, it was further confirmed this weekend that me and nature just don't jive which is kind of ironic since I'm a witch and we have a sacred duty to be tree huggers. But everything in the Poconos just made me feel bad. The winding bumpy roads made me car sick everytime we went out for a drive. And, like every place else in the world that isn't NYC, one needs to drive to get anywhere in the Poconos. So after the first day I pretty much stayed in the house.
Furthermore I felt as though people were making much too big a fuss over me. Greg and Cathy were very uptight about getting me fed. Yes, we all know I have peculiar eating habits, always have, always will. But they did a good job of stocking the cabinet full of things I'd like so I wasn't worried. But they were. Greg would ask me a million times a day what I wanted for dinner, and I'd never know. We don't plan meals alot in my house, we just eat what we feel like eating. I just felt like there was all this pressure being put on me to eat. And I didn't want Greg to have to go out of his way and make something special just for me if he really wanted to make something I didn't eat. I tried to get him to realize he didn't need to worry about me, that I would be able to find something in their frige, just worry about the rest of the family. But they all kept harping on me about food all weekend! What do you want? Do we have it? You have to decide! I have a hard enough time deciding what to eat when i'm only serving myself, but when i had to worry about inconviniencing four other poeple it made the task of deciding HUGE! I almost cried about it a couple of times. I get confused and scared when people put pressure on me. I shut down. My mind becomes paralyzed and I can't make decisions.
Also they were way too concerned with keeping me entertained. Same problem as with the food, I know how to entertain myself, and right now I'm feeling more inclined to be alone then I normally do. So when they would suggest stuff for me to do that I really didn't want to do i wuldn't know what to say or how to think or what! We went antiquing one day and that was fun until I started getting car sick and hungry. They asked me if I wanted to go swimming, boating, biking, none of which I emjoy at all. I tried to go swimming. We went out to the in door pool, but when we got there it was noisy and crowded, and I get nervous in crowds. And the water was cold. It made my insides feel even colder. So I didn't swim.
All I wanted to do was relax, sleep, read my books and be alone to think. But I didn't have space to do that even out in the sticks. There was too much pressure to be "on" and it made me shut down. I'll be damned if anyone gets me back up there any time soon.
Saw a cool movie this weekend though. We rented Riding in Cars with Boys which was very funny and not what I expected at all. From the titile I thought coming of age story or a romantic omedy. Wrong, it's about family, specifically parents and children. It was very funny and very smart. I want to read the book now.
And i didn't get to tell you about my appointment with Dr. Jonas did I? I waited all week for nothing! the guy is a total schmuck! He got realy hung up on parts of my life that had nothing to do with my issues. For instance we spoke forever about my religious beliefs when religion doesn't even rank on Carla's top ten list of problems. He made the mistake of telling me that my feelings and actions were flat out WRONG which is a big no no in therapy. A shrink is not suppose to make value judegments, it makes the patient feel vulnerable and if they feel attacked they will not be open. This guy is a grade A loser and we are gonna need to find me someone with a little compassion.
Derek called while I was away, left a new number for me to reach him at. I'll try it tomorrow and hope he is there.
Anyway I'm tired. I should go to bed. But I'm not gonna. I'm gonna stay up and watch TV. I'm hungry too. But it's not real hunger, it's bored hunger. I want to eat because I have nothing else to do. Also because I felt such an aversion to food this weekend I feel as though I should stuff myself now. I hope I can restrain myself.
Carla
