Clutter

Hello World,

Nothing much going on but I thought I'd write none the less, at least let you know about all the uninteresting things I am doing to pass the time.

Well I went searching for the computer repair shop on 71st street today hoping I could get my laptop repaired before the French girl gets here. (Yes, While Dick is off in NC mom needs someone to help pay the rent so we will have a French student living with us for the next two months, hmmm) But of course I couldn't find the shop so I high tailed it back home.

There I found all of my boxes had arrived. So I spent most of the evening up-packing them. I have too much shit and not enough room. I SOOOOO need my own apartment. As long as I live here I will never succeed in getting back my own room, so fuck it! After graduation I'll just have to find some place to live. Time to tell Elisabeth to get on the apartment search so we can move in together when I return.

And speaking of getting on it, I need to get on the whole grad school preparation kick. I was looking through my materials today and there are still only four schools that really entice me, New School, Art Institute, Hamline, and U of Arizona, most of which are nowhere near NY which is why I think I'm gonna have to throw in some distance learning programs if I'm to stay here and still work on my MFA.

I told Agnes about all this when I emailed her tonight. Haven't spoken to her in a while. Wanted to know what was up. I hope she writes back soon.

Man I feel like im not expressing myself well. Maybe it's because I'm not discussing anything of monumental importance. I just hate writing about trivial stuff. Maybe that's why I can never seem to keep up a diary. I just hate the minutae. I like big dramatic grandiose stuff, not "Oh cool my boxes arrived." I feel like I've been rambling here lately and I hate rambling.

Nuff said. Don't want to bore you any longer.

Carla

I Am Sophie, Sophie is Me

Adrienne posted her answers to this survey on LiveJournal. I thought the survey looked really creative, so i copied it and sent it to all my friends. Here are my ever so revealing answers :)

For this survey, you have to use the lyrics of one singer/band to answer all the questions. So I used Sophie B. Hawkins

1. Are you male or female?

I am a child, I am a whore,
I am the wild woman at your door.
(The Ballad of Sleeping Beauty)

2. Describe yourself:

Im tired of waking up
Im sick of rolling off the bus
I want to sleep forever
In the lies ive made
The checks have bouced
But the bills got paid so far...

I quit sobriety
I joined up with insanity
I want to pull the lever on the hatch i built
Escaping truth and avoiding guilt
So far.
(No Connection)

I dont wanna be too smart
I dont wanna talk to fast
I dont wanna look too precious
First impressions never last
(Carry Me)

3. How do they (they?) feel about you?

You are the darkest childe
You have a sacred duty to perform upon
this blessed earth
You must cradle the thoughts of the lustful lonely
Inside your wicked warm
And you must
Get off

You are the darkest childe
And evil will never stop you
And people will mock you and try
To pop pop pop you inot the marketplace
where you cannot be bought
Understood you will be missed
There will be sadness
For the darkest childe
(The Darkest Childe)

4. How do you feel about yourself?

I hardly recognize myself its such a strange thing
To find another woman walking in my blue jeans
Ive come so far and Ive been so long away from home.
Im like a photograph whose image is still changing
The letter that i never sent to you explaining
All I want is a place for my heart to belong.
(Strange Thing)

I have no confidence
And I cant see why I should.
(Lose Your Way)

If only I could grow
Enough to love myself.
(Travelling Light)


5. Describe your girlfriend/boyfriend?

I walk alone
God speed your love
God take me home
I walk alone
God be my judge
God still my soul
(I Walk Alone)


6. What would you rather be doing?

Mmm my best friend has a little car
She can take off anywhere anytime she wants
And if you ask me mostly
Where would I rather be
Ill tell you up and down the avenue
In the passenger seat
(Mmm My Best Friend)

7. Describe where you live:

New Yorks the only place I know
Ill take you on a guided tour
Through Central Park where only those
With seven senses feel secure
Then from my rooftop in the clouds
Well dive into the glowing sea
And when were falling look around
And tell me what you see.
(Mysteries We Understand)

8. Describe how you love:

I busted homes
I gave up everything i own
To come in here
Now aint it clear
Im true...

Love and let love be our desire
Live and let life be our fire
Stand by yourself and Ill stand by you
Live and let love be our truth
(Live and Let Love)

Lose your way
And i will follow
Here today
And here tomorrow
Like my freedom i know
Ill never let you go
(Lose Your Way)

Im gonna turn you on
Youre gonna set me free
Im gonna make you cum
Youre gonna live with me
(Listen)

9. Share a few words of wisdom:

Only love can set us free
Only love can bear the truth
Only love can bring us peace
Only love can save me and you
(The Ballad Of Sleeping Beauty)

Bored Realizations

Wow, I just realized that it is exactly a week until my birthday. Who the hell knew? I mean, I know I've been keeping a birthday list and all but, I started it, like, months ago! I never expected the damn thing to roll around so soon! 23 in a week *shudder.* Okay people I need some help, since I haven't been thinking about it I have no idea what to do. What do YOU think I should do for my birthday? What IS there to do when you have no friends, hate drinking, don't party, and still have an entire life to rearrange?

And speaking of arrangements, I was able to talk mom into letting me arrange the dressers in the dining room the way I want them. (We got new dressers, whoo hoo.) I just asked if we could arrange them the way I like them for the three months I'm here, and then once I leave she could move them to wherever the heck she wanted. She liked that idea. However I am opperating under the assumption that by the time I leave she will have become so accustom to my arrangement she will be too lazy to change it. Then it will continue to stay the way I like it. It is after all my room, I think I should have some say in how the furniture is positioned.

And speaking of rooms, I've started organizing my clothes and papers, and CDs, and tapes, and knick knacks and you know what I've discovered? I HAVE TOO MUCH SHIT! Amazing seeing as I purposely dumped a load of stuff before I went away to college. Actually I don't have all that much stuff. I have a closet and half a room full of stuff that is legally mine. In an apartment of my own it would all look very flimsy and sparse. I think it's more a matter of having too much shit for the amount of space alotted to me in this house. Dick has less shit then I do and he gets and entire ROOM to keep it all in! I get a couple of corners and a dresser, that's it! I think I'm beginning to understand how trapped Michael must have felt when he lived here. There is no room for the person sleeping in the dining room, simply because mom wont give up her strong hold on it! She expects a person to sleep and live in there yet at the same time she expects it to remain a perfect dining room fit for entertaining. NEWS FLASH: Bedrooms are only good for naughty entertainment. She is severely deluded in thinking she can have a dining room/bedroom. She needs to have one or the other because it just isn't fair to the person living in there to have such limited space.

I've also realized I have too many papers and no way to organize them. I swear I think I've got it down to the bare essentials and I still have no where to put all my stories, records, contracts, etc. The boxes just dont cut it, they provide little to no organization. I'm thinking I might like to have a file cabinet like the one Michael has here. That would be perfect, then I could just store everything in little files that could collect dust and take up limited space and be totally organized all the time. Maybe I should add that to my birthday list.