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The Deal my Dear
Mar. 3rd, 2002 12:37 amGod I keep trying to sit down and do my work but the minute I do the sheer bulk of what I have to do races through my mind as I decide what to start with and then I become paralyzed be cause I'm afraid I'll never get any of it done! A brief list of everything I need to do in the next 14 days.....
1)Keep up with poetry reading
2)read Roman Fever
3)Write an 8 page analysis of Roman Fever
4)revise 7 poems
5)Write at least two more explications
6)If time allows, make up the explications I missed.
7)Keep up with philosophy reading
8)Write at least two more 4 page journal entries
9)write a 10 page philosophy paper
10)revise If They Knew
11)Finish writing the last 10-15 pages of Thieves Like Us
12)Revise Thieves Like Us.
13)write two 3 page evaluations
Now, if I round up that basically comes out to 80 pages in two weeks. So from here on out I have to cough out at least 40 pages a week, if I don't will to have to take an incomplete. In addition to all the reading I have to do. I could do it if I stop sleeping and eating. These are the fruits of my sick bed and now I have to eat em!
I was trying to revise some poems a few minutes ago and while pouring over all the opinions disguised as constructive feedback my class has given to me, I came to the realization that this term has been the most useless one I have had in regard to workshops. I have no idea how to revise the 9-11 poem or "Immunization" because everyone was so emotionally riled about the subject matter of those two that they failed to give me any real feedback. All they did was tell me about their fucking feelings about the subject matter! Now how the fuck am I supposed to use that to write a good poem, huh?
And Robin's class is a joke. He is so disorganized. I haven't even GOTTEN any written feedback from any of the class members or Robin himself all term. How am I supposed to revise if I have no suggestions to work with? God damn it people we are supposed to be helping each other out here!
I'm just frustrated at how much effort iIhave to put into these classes and how little I am getting out of them in return. I feel like my writing has becoome static under Monica and Robin's tuteledge. I turn stuff into them and I get nothing back. I work my ass off and don't even get criticism in return. I know that in the REAL world of writing I'll be lucky to get a pleasant form letter for submitting to any given publication. Feedback isn't part of the deal. But it IS part of the deal on the undergraduate level. Someone out there is paying good money for these teachers to tell me how to become a better writer. I wish they would do their fucking job.
New Topic: Spoke to Mike tonight finally. Here's the scoop. One day at work Danielle just out of the blue emailed him and told him to move out...immediately. He didn't ask, he just abided by her wishes. So he really has no clue why she kicked him out and he doesn't care either. He sounded okay to me and said he was happy to be out of the house. Screw her, that what I say.
I also told him about Lindsey and he says I have every right to be pissed, that I in no way provoked the kind of response I got from her. We talked about how relationships just run their course and eventually you just gotta let them go.
Then later on I was thinking that I can't ever remember being mad at Lindsey. I've known her for three, almost four years, we have never had a fight or even a minor misunderstanding that I can recall. And in my experience, friendships where there is never any friction are the ones that are bound to self-destruct. Leigh and I had never had a fight until the whole Wes ordeal. Mary and I had never fought until this summer. When friends don't fight all the small things build up into one big thing that just destroys the relationship.
That's why my friendship with Deepa has endured, because we can get angry at each other every once in a while, say that we are pissed, get it out of our systems and move on. The problem doesn't even have to be resolved. (Isn't she STILL showing up 15 minutes late to every activity we schedule?) It just needs to be voiced. The problem must be named and recognized. Thats all. Thats why I have faith in my friendship with Gayle. Though we don't have arguments or anything I think our mutual jealousy society is a substitute for bickering. We can get jealous of what the other has, voice the jealousy, more loudly these days then we used to but that's not necessarily bad, and than just say, okay fuck it!
The more I think about it, the more I can see that this thing with Lindsey has been in the making for a while, and that there was no way to avoid it. If it wasn't this it would have been something else.
Funny thing is I dont miss her yet. Usually the minute I stop speaking to someone or they stop speaking to me I begin to miss them. I missed Leigh instantaneously, still do sometimes despite my feelings of animosity towards her. But lately I haven't been missing people as I lose them. I dont know if that means I'm growing up or distancing myself. Guess it don't really matter right now.
Either we will reconcile or we won't. At this point neither of us have anything to lose by not recociling. I mean she graduates in three months and, poof, that's it. Our clique as it once existed, is disolved. And since it is social constraints that bind poeple together if we no longer have any social responsibility to one another than there can be no consequences to not making up. She'll have her friends, I'll have mine, a couple of them may overlap but those will be individuals, not an entire group. I'm feeling better and better about this as time goes on.
1)Keep up with poetry reading
2)read Roman Fever
3)Write an 8 page analysis of Roman Fever
4)revise 7 poems
5)Write at least two more explications
6)If time allows, make up the explications I missed.
7)Keep up with philosophy reading
8)Write at least two more 4 page journal entries
9)write a 10 page philosophy paper
10)revise If They Knew
11)Finish writing the last 10-15 pages of Thieves Like Us
12)Revise Thieves Like Us.
13)write two 3 page evaluations
Now, if I round up that basically comes out to 80 pages in two weeks. So from here on out I have to cough out at least 40 pages a week, if I don't will to have to take an incomplete. In addition to all the reading I have to do. I could do it if I stop sleeping and eating. These are the fruits of my sick bed and now I have to eat em!
I was trying to revise some poems a few minutes ago and while pouring over all the opinions disguised as constructive feedback my class has given to me, I came to the realization that this term has been the most useless one I have had in regard to workshops. I have no idea how to revise the 9-11 poem or "Immunization" because everyone was so emotionally riled about the subject matter of those two that they failed to give me any real feedback. All they did was tell me about their fucking feelings about the subject matter! Now how the fuck am I supposed to use that to write a good poem, huh?
And Robin's class is a joke. He is so disorganized. I haven't even GOTTEN any written feedback from any of the class members or Robin himself all term. How am I supposed to revise if I have no suggestions to work with? God damn it people we are supposed to be helping each other out here!
I'm just frustrated at how much effort iIhave to put into these classes and how little I am getting out of them in return. I feel like my writing has becoome static under Monica and Robin's tuteledge. I turn stuff into them and I get nothing back. I work my ass off and don't even get criticism in return. I know that in the REAL world of writing I'll be lucky to get a pleasant form letter for submitting to any given publication. Feedback isn't part of the deal. But it IS part of the deal on the undergraduate level. Someone out there is paying good money for these teachers to tell me how to become a better writer. I wish they would do their fucking job.
New Topic: Spoke to Mike tonight finally. Here's the scoop. One day at work Danielle just out of the blue emailed him and told him to move out...immediately. He didn't ask, he just abided by her wishes. So he really has no clue why she kicked him out and he doesn't care either. He sounded okay to me and said he was happy to be out of the house. Screw her, that what I say.
I also told him about Lindsey and he says I have every right to be pissed, that I in no way provoked the kind of response I got from her. We talked about how relationships just run their course and eventually you just gotta let them go.
Then later on I was thinking that I can't ever remember being mad at Lindsey. I've known her for three, almost four years, we have never had a fight or even a minor misunderstanding that I can recall. And in my experience, friendships where there is never any friction are the ones that are bound to self-destruct. Leigh and I had never had a fight until the whole Wes ordeal. Mary and I had never fought until this summer. When friends don't fight all the small things build up into one big thing that just destroys the relationship.
That's why my friendship with Deepa has endured, because we can get angry at each other every once in a while, say that we are pissed, get it out of our systems and move on. The problem doesn't even have to be resolved. (Isn't she STILL showing up 15 minutes late to every activity we schedule?) It just needs to be voiced. The problem must be named and recognized. Thats all. Thats why I have faith in my friendship with Gayle. Though we don't have arguments or anything I think our mutual jealousy society is a substitute for bickering. We can get jealous of what the other has, voice the jealousy, more loudly these days then we used to but that's not necessarily bad, and than just say, okay fuck it!
The more I think about it, the more I can see that this thing with Lindsey has been in the making for a while, and that there was no way to avoid it. If it wasn't this it would have been something else.
Funny thing is I dont miss her yet. Usually the minute I stop speaking to someone or they stop speaking to me I begin to miss them. I missed Leigh instantaneously, still do sometimes despite my feelings of animosity towards her. But lately I haven't been missing people as I lose them. I dont know if that means I'm growing up or distancing myself. Guess it don't really matter right now.
Either we will reconcile or we won't. At this point neither of us have anything to lose by not recociling. I mean she graduates in three months and, poof, that's it. Our clique as it once existed, is disolved. And since it is social constraints that bind poeple together if we no longer have any social responsibility to one another than there can be no consequences to not making up. She'll have her friends, I'll have mine, a couple of them may overlap but those will be individuals, not an entire group. I'm feeling better and better about this as time goes on.
