Silent Night
Jul. 16th, 2003 03:32 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
morrigirlI hate feeling depressed. I really hate it. Every night around three AM, it kicks in. While I'm sitting all alone in my living room, in it creeps, giving me a nice over view of my life.
I'm overweight, I'm fat, I'm boring, I'm unemployed, I'm useless, I have no skills, I'm ugly, I'm unpleasant, I'm depressing, I'm dumb, I'm scared, I'm unable to take risks, I'm whiney (this entry is case and point), I'm dull, I'm worthless, I live with my Mom, I hate myself.
That just abot cover it?
Yup that's what i think to myself every night. And I write and I take online quizzes and I try my damndest not to think about it but it just comes and I can't stop it. And I hate myself for thinking these thoughts, and I hate myself for hating myself for thinking these thoughts.
But the awful part is that they are all true. I'm just wasting away. I wish I had a job, then at least I'd have a routine and routines do a lot when it comes to relieveing depression. They lift that fear of the unknown. You always know whats gonna happen next and its comforting. I could use some comfort right about now. Or...no, just some reassurence, some affirmation. I need someone to tell me I'm beautiful and useful, and fun, and interesting, and talented.
I need to hear that. Don't know if I'd actually believe it, but I need to hear it. No one around to say it though.
I'm overweight, I'm fat, I'm boring, I'm unemployed, I'm useless, I have no skills, I'm ugly, I'm unpleasant, I'm depressing, I'm dumb, I'm scared, I'm unable to take risks, I'm whiney (this entry is case and point), I'm dull, I'm worthless, I live with my Mom, I hate myself.
That just abot cover it?
Yup that's what i think to myself every night. And I write and I take online quizzes and I try my damndest not to think about it but it just comes and I can't stop it. And I hate myself for thinking these thoughts, and I hate myself for hating myself for thinking these thoughts.
But the awful part is that they are all true. I'm just wasting away. I wish I had a job, then at least I'd have a routine and routines do a lot when it comes to relieveing depression. They lift that fear of the unknown. You always know whats gonna happen next and its comforting. I could use some comfort right about now. Or...no, just some reassurence, some affirmation. I need someone to tell me I'm beautiful and useful, and fun, and interesting, and talented.
I need to hear that. Don't know if I'd actually believe it, but I need to hear it. No one around to say it though.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2003-07-16 12:55 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-07-16 08:09 am (UTC)*sigh*
not true
Date: 2003-07-16 11:34 am (UTC)FYI - you are not any of those things. You are wonderful and talented and even in this shitty economy, you will find a job soon.
So there