In Theory

[morrigirl]

Half of me wants to be cuddled and coddled and told that everything will be alright, that I am loved by many. The other half wants to push away anyone who even attempts such affectionate behavior. This half doesn't want to be touched or spoken to. She definitely doesn't want to speak. She wants complete solitude, the total absence of human contact.

That's what happens when I get lonely, I long for the comfort of another's presence, for the affirmation such interaction would convey, that I am an individual worthy of spending time with. The part of me that wants none of it is the part that tells me I'm NOT worthy of company. That I should get used to being alone. I shouldn't rely on others for anything because no one will ever be there to help me.

I don't know which is worse, relying too much on others or not relying on anyone at all. Both options are so...lonely!!! Is there a happy balance? Is there a happy balance for me? What's the deal with me and my extremes? Why can't I sit happily in the middle, away from all the chaos? Why do I seem to like chaos so much?

Comments

hey there

[impetuousyouth.livejournal.com]

Im just a random guy who stumbled across a livejournal and I hope you dont mind me sharing a thought or two.

I completely know how you feel. Matter of fact I've been feeling that way for a long time now. This is probably just a rough stretch for you. In time things will get better for they have no choice. Just like all good things must come to an end so do all bad things. All we can do is stay strong and realize that we arent alone, we just feel we are.

Hope I helped some. ^_^

Re: hey there

[morrigirl.livejournal.com]

Wow, people actually stumble upon me? That makes me feel special.

The reason I'm feeling so...lonely I guess, is because I just found out that my brother, and only friend, is moving to another state. So...I'm looking at a long stretch of aloneness and I'm very depressed about it. I'm gonna miss my bro.

Thanks for leaving feedback though. Good to know that people other than those on my friends list bother to read my entries.

Hey Lady

[silent-t.livejournal.com]

You know what?

It's freezing in my house.

Just thought you would like to know. Thank you and have a nice day.

ps. what u want fer christmas eh? eh? my mom said she got me a present, I can't believe it! Exciting. THen she asked me for 50bucks, haha.
Take care chica,
miss ya
Tizzina

From the OM V 1.0

[(Anonymous)]

There is no perfect middle because nothing is absolutely perfect. I was alone for the first years of my life, then I became too dependant and I got screwed over. For me, being alone and not having to worry about anyone else is as close to a perfect situation as I could ever get, though I choose to have a few select people that I associate with that I think could keep up with me near a level that is all my own. It is like a modified version of the old cliche - I am alone with my few friends surrounding me.

Re: Hey Lady

[morrigirl.livejournal.com]

LOL it's freezing in mine too. When you going home? And are you still thinking of coming to NYC in JAnuary?

I can tell you exactly what I want for Christmas: I want you to send me all my paintings!!!!!!

What do you want?

Carla

On the subject

[morrigirl.livejournal.com]

I used to live like that. HOwever now that I'm older, relying on no one and simply surrounding myself with two or three good friends just isn't satisfying. My friends, at least my New York friends, don't do any more for me than my acquaintences do. That's why I'm saying there must be a middle. Being alone, and being too reliant are both lonely miserable options.