Circulation Desk Discoveries
Nov. 16th, 2003 10:51 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
morrigirlA couple of little things I wrote about myself at work yesterday.
Masochist:
It's the Groucho Marx syndrome: I would never date a guy who'd want to have me as a girlfriend. My dismal self-esteem tells me that anyone with such low expectations should be quickly and unquestioningly kicked to the curb. I search for men who try not to look bored when I speak, the kind who never ask to read my poetry, who have no interest in my drives or passions. Guys who never buy me presents, take me out to dinner, or remember my birthday. The sort who leer at other women in the street, refuse to hold my hand in public, and never EVER intorduce me as their girlfriend. I want to be that which is tossed aside and used only when needed. I want to be easily forgotten and replaced. I want to be the same kind of nothing to someone else that I am to myself. That's the only way they can know.
Like:
I refuse to let myself admit to "liking" people because when you like, you want, and when you want you become attached to outcomes, and I'm too defeated to allow myself to become attached to outcomes. I've learned that nothing ever comes ot the way you want, and the more you want, the less likely you are to see your desires come to fruition. So I keep my "like" to myself where no one can see it or tell me what to do with it. Where there is no pressure or expectation and I can simply feel without fearing the outcome.
Masochist:
It's the Groucho Marx syndrome: I would never date a guy who'd want to have me as a girlfriend. My dismal self-esteem tells me that anyone with such low expectations should be quickly and unquestioningly kicked to the curb. I search for men who try not to look bored when I speak, the kind who never ask to read my poetry, who have no interest in my drives or passions. Guys who never buy me presents, take me out to dinner, or remember my birthday. The sort who leer at other women in the street, refuse to hold my hand in public, and never EVER intorduce me as their girlfriend. I want to be that which is tossed aside and used only when needed. I want to be easily forgotten and replaced. I want to be the same kind of nothing to someone else that I am to myself. That's the only way they can know.
Like:
I refuse to let myself admit to "liking" people because when you like, you want, and when you want you become attached to outcomes, and I'm too defeated to allow myself to become attached to outcomes. I've learned that nothing ever comes ot the way you want, and the more you want, the less likely you are to see your desires come to fruition. So I keep my "like" to myself where no one can see it or tell me what to do with it. Where there is no pressure or expectation and I can simply feel without fearing the outcome.
