morrigirl | The Walls

It has been a weird day all around, much more harried than I'm accustomed to.

Ran into Victor at 86th street today. The two of us rode down to school together and he told me all about working till 11:00 last night and then shooting his film until 3:00 in the morning.

We also got a new student aid today. His name is Joseph and much to my delight he's a movie nerd as well. We had a nice little conversation about the Matrix and LOTR. What is it with this library and movie nerds? There seems to be an esoteric bond that just pulls us here. I've counted four of us: me, Seb, Tony, and now, Joseph. Well...we're all big readers too. Maybe that's the connection. Maybe heavy readers are also destined to be entertainment buffs. Maybe it has something to do with the escapist nature of both activities. That's a hypothesis worth exploring. But not in this entry.

Speaking of Sebastien, I felt so bad for him today. He was trying to get the reciept printer to work and...it wouldn't. The poor guy sat up front for a couple hours trying to fix the darn thing. He got so frustrated I was sure he was gonna have an anuerysm, though you wouldn't have known just by looking at him since Sebatien is so level, he kinda looks and sounds the same no matter what mood he's in. But his brow had a furrow to it that made him look like he was about to pop a blood vessel. I hope there's a nice soft girlfriend waiting for him at home. When he walked out of here he looked like he was gonna need some help decompressing.

And because Sebastien was up front most of the afternoon we had an excess of bodies clogging the circ desk. Seb was at one computer, Carol at another, and me, Joseph, and Charles, milling around in the background. It was very cramped and made ME feel stressed even though I wasn't doing anything!

I'm glad that everyone is gone now. That it is quiet and I don't have to worry about trying to look busy. I'm glad I have the desk to myself tonight and that Lymon is staying over at reference. Lymon pissed me off something awful last night, and I have since decided that I hate him.

From day one I felt there was something off about him, but I tried to keep an open mind. I told myself, "Carla you can't judge him on the fact that he sits around all night cruising mail order bride sites on the internet. Nor can you judge him on the fact that he knows Carol is a Christian and purposely says rude and nasty things just to get under her skin. And you can't judge him for funneling all the night time work over to you, not lifting a hand to help even when the desk is overflowing with students. Or for talking shit about Elisabete all the damn time (she's never been a nything but nice to me.) And you can't judge him for talking down to all the students as if they are two years old." Yes I told myself all of that, but last night he crossed a line. He talked down to ME when he had no cause to.

Anyone who has known me for more than five minutes is aware that the only thing I hate more than tardiness is being spoken down to. I'm not 4 and I don't like being spoken to as though I am unless I specifically ask someone to (I. E. " I don't understand this. Explain it to me like I'm a four year old.")

Last night the printers needed new toner cartridges. No problem, I'd never changed them before so Lymon told me to watch Tony do it just so that I'd know how. Fine. So I do that. And when all is done, there is some confusion about how to dispose of the old cartridge: Lymon says it should be put back into the supply cabinet, Tony says he's been taught just to leave it on Charles's desk. They argue about this. I get tired of listening to them bicker and say "call me when you guys figure out what to do." And Lymon goes OFF on me!!!! Saying all this shit like it's my job to know this stuff, and he's in charge at night so I have to listen to him. And I'm thiking to myself WHAT THE FUCK!? It's MY job to know this? HELLO? if it were my job someone would have taught me how to do it by now. If HE is supposedly the one "in charge" then why the fuck can't he tell me how to do it?! If HE is "in charge" why are he and Tony arguing about how to complete this idiotically simple task?!

THAT pissed me off royally, him pulling rank on me for no god damn reason!!! No one ever led me to believe that he was the one "in charge" at night, just as no one has ever led me to believe that Sebastien is "in charge" on Saturday. As far as I know Elisabete and Jennifer are the only people who are truly "in charge" of anything. Everyone else has their expertise but Elisabete is the one we all answer to. We don't answer to each other. There is no power hierarchy that I'm aware of. Carol knows about circ, Jennifer knows about cataloging, Seb knows about computers, Mary and Lymon know reference; we all have specialties and we help the students and each other by putting our fucking heads together. And because no one knows everything, and everyone NEEDS to rely on each other to get their work done there is no great hierarchy, just people who know things you don't. And when Lymon pulled rank on me it was over a matter that he obviously wasn't any more knowledeable about than I was!!!!! That's why it pissed me off. Because he claimed to have power over me in a situation where he didn't. I have no problem being corrected, but not by someone who isn't sure how to correct me.

Eventually he conceded that Tony was probably right. Which pissed me off even more, because in doing so he basically admitted that he was wrong and had no reason to talk to me the way he did.

So now I know for a fact he's an asshole. It's no longer simply an instinct. And while I can be pleasant to him, I'm not gonna be nice anymore, nor am I going to take anything he says as law.