Why I Hate Romance Novels

[morrigirl]

Iamthisclose to throwing the urban fantasy novel I started reading last night across the room! Why? Because it has turned out to be a paranormal romance! Gag me with a fucking spoon! I'm barely 40 pages in and already the gorgeous heroine and the gorgeous hero are dry humping each other while soaking in a puddle of blood!

I know that the point of a romance novel is to allow the reader to fully indulge her fantasies. She is supposed to identify with the heroine and feel pretty, sexy, and exciting by proxy. She is supposed to believe that the handsome and rugged hero could fall in love with a woman like her. The reader is supposed to walk away feeling sexy, attractive, and, above all, hopeful.

However, romances have the exact opposite effect on me. Reading about pretty people getting it on just makes me feel ugly. I know I am nowhere near as attractive or exciting as the heroine so I don't identify with her. I know the brutally handsome yet incredibly sensitive hero is so unrealistic he might as well be plastic, and that if such a stunningly rare specimen actually existed in reality he'd be way more interested in people like the pretty perfect heroine who I have no affinity with, than some little schlub like me.

The fantasy being sold in romance novels never grabs me because it's not my fantasy. Pretty people of either gender don't interest me. They never have. And while I know plenty of outstandingly attractive people, many of whom read this journal, none of them are perfect. They all have their own physical and emotional quirks that take them out of the running for Mr./Ms. Universe. But, it's those quirks, those wonderful imperfections that catch my attention.

I am not perfect. I am messy, confusing, and aggravating. I am also soothing, witty, and loving. I know myself to be a complex individual who, for all her faults, is worth knowing. That's what I want in a partner; someone who is layered, unique, and far, far from perfect. I find titillation in the challenges inherent in simply knowing a complex and imperfect person.

Perfection is boring. It makes for boring characters and boring prose. Hell, it even makes for boring sex scenes! That is why Iamthisclose to throwing this book across the room, because my fantasies are deeper than the author is giving me credit for.

Comments

[flamesha.livejournal.com]

Yes, I completely agree :( Although admittedly I've been reading Karen Marie Moning's highlander books and yes, they fall into the same trap as most romance novels. Somehow I still like them though, even though yeah, I do wish the men were flawed, believable, and still lovable characters. I keep hoping I'll find a romance novel that's actually tasteful.

[morrigirl.livejournal.com]

Moning's Highlander books keep popping up on my recommended reading list on Amazon.

I'd actually been drafting an LJ entry on the still percolating idea of possibly branching out into other forms of genre fiction, including romance, when I ran head first into the rage-fest that spawned this entry.

I actually stumbled upon a short story by romance writer Lori Handeland that I really liked and was considering giving one of her novels a go despite the thoroughly cheesy cover art, because the woman can actually write.

However...eh, now I'm not so sure. Might have to put it off for another month or two before I can muster up warm feelings for the genre once again.

[gwydionsw.livejournal.com]

Has anyone recommended Neil Gaiman to you yet? If not, read him. Neverwhere would be a good place to start, but then again pretty much any of his stuff is. Also, what are your feelings toward the graphic novel?

[morrigirl.livejournal.com]

I'm not a fan of Gaiman. I read Sandman in its entirety and it totally turned me off. I found it incredibly boring. When I was finished I wanted the hours and days I spent reading it back. I thought the only compelling character was Lucifer and since he wasn't the protagonist that sort of spoiled things. So, yeah, I had a bad Gaiman experience that left me with zero desire to read any of his other work.

I still haven't warmed up to graphic novels yet. My elitist literary sensabilities still turn their nose up at them.

[gwydionsw.livejournal.com]

I highly recommend you put your elitist sensabilities aside. A good way to ease yourself in is to read Watchmen. It is a masterpiece of the style. You can also appease those sensibilities by reading it as it has been listed in Time as one of the top 100 English-language novels.

[morrigirl.livejournal.com]

I actually have a copy of Watchmen sitting on my bookshelf. It was given to me by the same guy who insisted I read Sandman. Not to mention that my older brother has been urging me to read Watchmen since I was, like, 14. And I do have to admit the story sounds really cool. I will get around to it one of these days.

[greenblackevil.livejournal.com]

hell to the yeah. It's ultimately personality that determines chemistry (and therefore romance) in the first place. And perfect people make me angry- No romance there.

[dpsycho.livejournal.com]

I don't read romance novels, but I do occasionally read hentai manga, and I found that your summation relates to a limited extent. You're presented a scenario. Sometimes it's plausible, often it's entirely absurd, and then sex happens. It happens the way the author fancies, and whatever elements he finds appealing appear in every single one of his works, and if you don't agree with all of those elements, you can't insert yourself into it and it all falls apart.

I completely agree with your statement about personal flaws. You like people for their high points, but you fall in love with them for their imperfections.