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morrigirlBack in 2000 when Meg Ryan and Russell Crowe were having that not-so-clandestine affair while shooting "Proof of Life", the one that ended up being the final nail in the coffin of her marriage to Dennis Quaid, I remember watching one of those tabloid TV shows, Extra or Access Hollywood - the ones that were hyping the whole thing into this ginormous scandal (ooooh, because we all know normal people never have affairs), and seeing some director who was totally unaffiliated with the movie sum up the entire situation quite beautifully. He said "You cast two actors as love interests BECAUSE they have chemistry! When you put two people who already have chemistry together and work them for 12 hours a day for 6 months it's only natural that romance is going to bloom!" He delivered the statement with such a "duh!" attitude that it made all the whoopla surrounding the whole thing seem rather childish.
I bring this up because I've been thinking a lot about chemistry lately. As much as I regret the vast majority of my romantic and sexual involvements, the fact of the matter is that chemistry played a role in all of them. I did, and in one or two cases still do, have chemistry with all of those people. That's a hard thing for me to admit, because I would like to simply reduce them all to bad judgment on my part and leave it at that. But, in some of those cases it was the chemistry that made it difficult for me to make the smart decision. It was the chemistry coupled with our individual needs and desperation that drove us into really stupid romantic dilemmas.
Oh, and speaking of stupid romantic dilemmas, can I just say that it's really fucking weird when your exes start getting hitched? This year two of my former lovers have gotten married and one has gotten engaged. That is...I don't want to say wrong, because it's not wrong. It's just...weird! Like your best friends, your exes are never supposed to get married. By doing so they shatter the context you've known them in. They take on a new life that is incomprehensible to you since the person that you remember them as would not fit in this new picture. It has made me realize for the umpteenth time how static my images of these people are, how their absence from life has made it impossible for me to see them grow as individuals. I do not know these men who commit because I've never met them. All I have are the boys from four or six years ago who made promises they could've never hoped to deliver on. I will never know them as husbands or fathers. They will remain locked in my head, forever 22 or maybe 24, unchanged.
Thanks to the warm weather I was able to spend last week up at my apartment. Oh good Lordy, it was so wonderful! Wonderful to download music and watch The N and stay on the computer for as long as I damn well please! Good to sleep in my own bed under four layers of covers and eat what I wanted to eat and sit around naked in front of my space heater! It's going back down into the 20's tonight so I'm back at my Mom's, and I'll probably have to stay here for the next three weeks or so. *sigh* But I so wish I could be back up at my apartment. I miss the privacy.
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risaypaz is coming to visit me at the end of the month! It will be the first time I've seen her since October of 2002. I am getting excited. So far all she has said she wants to do is go to a poetry reading, see Central Park, eat a real New York bagel, and have lunch with Ruby, Meghan, and one of her old friends from high school. I, of course, have my own ideas. It would be pure heresy if she did not visit at least ONE museum while she was here. I'm going to have to insist that she come with me to either the MET or the Natural History Museum. And I'll have to take her on a tour of the Village, both East and West. I may even drag her up to the Bronx just so she can have a look at my neighborhood, but that's a big maybe. One way or the other it will be awesome to see her again, and I can't wait.
I bring this up because I've been thinking a lot about chemistry lately. As much as I regret the vast majority of my romantic and sexual involvements, the fact of the matter is that chemistry played a role in all of them. I did, and in one or two cases still do, have chemistry with all of those people. That's a hard thing for me to admit, because I would like to simply reduce them all to bad judgment on my part and leave it at that. But, in some of those cases it was the chemistry that made it difficult for me to make the smart decision. It was the chemistry coupled with our individual needs and desperation that drove us into really stupid romantic dilemmas.
Oh, and speaking of stupid romantic dilemmas, can I just say that it's really fucking weird when your exes start getting hitched? This year two of my former lovers have gotten married and one has gotten engaged. That is...I don't want to say wrong, because it's not wrong. It's just...weird! Like your best friends, your exes are never supposed to get married. By doing so they shatter the context you've known them in. They take on a new life that is incomprehensible to you since the person that you remember them as would not fit in this new picture. It has made me realize for the umpteenth time how static my images of these people are, how their absence from life has made it impossible for me to see them grow as individuals. I do not know these men who commit because I've never met them. All I have are the boys from four or six years ago who made promises they could've never hoped to deliver on. I will never know them as husbands or fathers. They will remain locked in my head, forever 22 or maybe 24, unchanged.
Thanks to the warm weather I was able to spend last week up at my apartment. Oh good Lordy, it was so wonderful! Wonderful to download music and watch The N and stay on the computer for as long as I damn well please! Good to sleep in my own bed under four layers of covers and eat what I wanted to eat and sit around naked in front of my space heater! It's going back down into the 20's tonight so I'm back at my Mom's, and I'll probably have to stay here for the next three weeks or so. *sigh* But I so wish I could be back up at my apartment. I miss the privacy.
risaypaz is coming to visit me at the end of the month! It will be the first time I've seen her since October of 2002. I am getting excited. So far all she has said she wants to do is go to a poetry reading, see Central Park, eat a real New York bagel, and have lunch with Ruby, Meghan, and one of her old friends from high school. I, of course, have my own ideas. It would be pure heresy if she did not visit at least ONE museum while she was here. I'm going to have to insist that she come with me to either the MET or the Natural History Museum. And I'll have to take her on a tour of the Village, both East and West. I may even drag her up to the Bronx just so she can have a look at my neighborhood, but that's a big maybe. One way or the other it will be awesome to see her again, and I can't wait.
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hi
Date: 2008-03-11 06:12 am (UTC)Can we see the Statue of Liberty. I want to pretend that I am one of my ancestors and I can't speak English.