Missing the Point
Sep. 21st, 2003 11:31 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
morrigirlHi Everyone,
Quick update.![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
silent_t is here. She came in yesterday, and while I'm glad to have her here, I'm already exhausted. Not so much from the running around but from always feeling like I have to be "on," ya know? Feeling like I always have to be entertaining her and making sure she has a good time. Pressure. Can't deal with that kind of pressure. It shuts me down.
And also...I feel kind of pathetic compared to her. Mom and T have been poking fun at the fact that all I have to talk about are TV shows and video games. Mom even said to me this morning "Honey, you really need to get a life."
That makes me feel bad cause...I have no money, and without money i don't know how I'm supposed to have a life. I don't have a job. All I really have in my life right now are the characters I relate to. Make believe people are better than real people. They're nicer, and they do a better job at holding to their ideals and sticking to their guns. They are more real than real people.
Maybe that's why I decided to be a writer. Literally make my own friends.
Had a whole host of fucked up dreams last night, here's a sample:
Took a pair of scissors and started cutting off my face in an attempt to IMPROVE my looks. I'd cut off half of my upper lip before deciding that I actually liked the way I looked and didn't want to cut my face off after all.
In another dream it was my birthday and a Kirk-Like jewish boy who I had a crush on kissed me and I smiled.
In another I was cast in yet ANOTHER one of Liz's shows only I was severely fucking up my lines and I was gonna ruin the entire show and I was sure Liz was gonna fire me.
Okay all you amateur psychologists out there, analyze away.
Quick update.
silent_t is here. She came in yesterday, and while I'm glad to have her here, I'm already exhausted. Not so much from the running around but from always feeling like I have to be "on," ya know? Feeling like I always have to be entertaining her and making sure she has a good time. Pressure. Can't deal with that kind of pressure. It shuts me down. And also...I feel kind of pathetic compared to her. Mom and T have been poking fun at the fact that all I have to talk about are TV shows and video games. Mom even said to me this morning "Honey, you really need to get a life."
That makes me feel bad cause...I have no money, and without money i don't know how I'm supposed to have a life. I don't have a job. All I really have in my life right now are the characters I relate to. Make believe people are better than real people. They're nicer, and they do a better job at holding to their ideals and sticking to their guns. They are more real than real people.
Maybe that's why I decided to be a writer. Literally make my own friends.
Had a whole host of fucked up dreams last night, here's a sample:
Took a pair of scissors and started cutting off my face in an attempt to IMPROVE my looks. I'd cut off half of my upper lip before deciding that I actually liked the way I looked and didn't want to cut my face off after all.
In another dream it was my birthday and a Kirk-Like jewish boy who I had a crush on kissed me and I smiled.
In another I was cast in yet ANOTHER one of Liz's shows only I was severely fucking up my lines and I was gonna ruin the entire show and I was sure Liz was gonna fire me.
Okay all you amateur psychologists out there, analyze away.
