Trigger Finger

[morrigirl]

Something is triggering me, not sure what though. For the last two hours I've just felt completely worthless, and ugly, and like a total waste of space. I hate it when this happens. Everything is hunky dory and then, WHAM! this...THING comes out of nowhere and knocks you on your ass.

I wish I had someone to talk to. But I'm never online when everyone else is. I don't get onto the messenger systems until after midnight and by then everyone has gone to bed. Everyone has to wake up for school or work the next day. I feel like the only person who doesn't. Of course, since it's Friday night, no one has to wake up early. Tonight people are out having fun, staying up late. Everyone but me. I'm not normal like the rest of humanity. I don't go to work, I don't go out on Friday. I'm stuck.

I hate being stuck. I can't remember the last time I interacted in real life with anyopne other than my Mom. It's been...since I stopped seeing Josh, and that was almost a month ago.

I've been thinking I should call him. Ya know, try to patch the friendship. But I don't feel ready. After a month you'd think I would especially since we were never really seriously dating. But just thinking of calling him makes me feel bad. Just reminds me of my own deficiancy. I still think of Josh as another guy who rejected me. And as long as I'm thinking of him like that I'm gonna feel like shit whenever I'm around him.

But it takes me YEARS to stop thinking of guys like that. I'm thinking a took a least a year if not two or three to totally start acting normal around Clark again. And I didn't speak to skoriaan for four years, but thats not entirely my fault. Didn't help that the girl he dated after me strictly forbade him to interact with me. Didn't help that he listened to her either.

Why can't I be normal? Why can't I bounce back quicker? Why does everything feel like a major tragedy? Why the hell am I such a blazing drama queen? And why do things that slide off other peoples backs take me out for the count?

Have I mentioned yet today that I hate being me?

Comments

[kdc4evr.livejournal.com]

i dont think your 'bounce back' time is abnormal at all

yay, it was just one of carla's fave lines in the matrix (it's playing in the background)

i'm around after midnight sometimes, unless i'm napping (i seem to like to sleep from like 11pm - 2am) and i'm generally home friday nights
I just never feel like taking down my away message, cause then there's the chance that annoying people will IM me that I dont want to talk to, or I dont feel like sitting in front of my computer. damn, that's another reason to buy a laptop. dammit. i dont need any more of those

night night

*HUGS*

[kily.livejournal.com]

I'm here...

I don't know that I ever had anything to do on a friday night. If I tried to go out, I wouldn't know what to do.

~sorry~

[devilorangel.livejournal.com]

I've been feeling very alone, ugly etc just rcently too so I can understand what you're saying...

I'm usually online most nights as I haven't been sleeping much of late...
If you want to add me you can find all my stuff on my userinfo...
afraidofliving seems to have taken a bit of a shine to you reading one of his LJ entries... ;)
Take care
~hugs~

[xcaspianx.livejournal.com]

i hate when i'm in a hole and i don't know how i got there...

friday's overrated

[silent-t.livejournal.com]

Hey lady,

I'll take you out on friday night!! Heh heh. :P Well I don't go out on friday nights either, I would be online too, if I had internet at home...Soon I will then I can be on all hours of the night, heh, not really but at them tiems when I can't sleep. Classes start in like 5 days, damn where did summer go??
You can always call me...Im usually home at night, and NOBODY calls me, not even my mother, but that's a good thing. And I haven't gotten any mail not even a bill in nearly a month! Thankfully heather sent me a post card a few weeks back. Of course I am still stuck in the GBurg time warp, twilight zone thing. NO one really remembers you're there...
ha.
except for those who you wish would forget you of course :P
Talk to you soon lady, I would call u but me has no long distance. Waa.
Mwaa,
byebye

Re: friday's overrated

[morrigirl.livejournal.com]

I lost your number. Could you email it to me. Again? I got a postcard from Heather c ouple weeks back too. It was a little naughty. It was a picture of a ancient peruvian sculpture of this guy with a HUGE hard on. My Mom was slightly shocked.

[tavi-h.livejournal.com]

"Why can't I be normal? Why can't I bounce back quicker? Why does everything feel like a major tragedy? Why the hell am I such a blazing drama queen? And why do things that slide off other peoples backs take me out for the count?"

Oh, how well I can relate to this.

I enjoy your writing very much.

*blushes*

[morrigirl.livejournal.com]

Thank you.