(no subject)
Feb. 13th, 2006 04:16 amOnce again I'm getting to the point where it's very hard for me to be happy for anyone for any reason. It sucks because if someone I care about tells me that something incredible is happening to them, I feel jealous, but if they tell me something terrible is happening to them I feel bad for being happy that I'm not the only person who is feeling bad.
I haven't been letting myself externalize any of the negativity I'm feeling because I'm trying to stay positive and think positive and write positively and the only problem with this is that the longer I do it the more fucking horrible I feel. But I really don't want to expose anyone to my internal bullshit right now. It's all the same as it ever was and the longer I sit with it the more bullshit I find hiding in the recesses of my brain. I sit with it for days on end and then someone asks me what's going on in my life, or how I'm feeling and nothing but positive talk comes out of my mouth.
I haven't been letting myself externalize any of the negativity I'm feeling because I'm trying to stay positive and think positive and write positively and the only problem with this is that the longer I do it the more fucking horrible I feel. But I really don't want to expose anyone to my internal bullshit right now. It's all the same as it ever was and the longer I sit with it the more bullshit I find hiding in the recesses of my brain. I sit with it for days on end and then someone asks me what's going on in my life, or how I'm feeling and nothing but positive talk comes out of my mouth.