Tell me a Love Story

[morrigirl]

Tell me about the person who you would say has been the love of your life up to this point. What were they like? How did you meet them? Why did you love them? Doesn't matter if you're currently married to the person or you broke up with them six years ago. If you're no longer together, why did you break up? Heck, it doesn't even matter if you never dated them at all, I just want to know about that one person who set your heart a-fluttering stronger than any other before or since.

Comments

[starstealingirl.livejournal.com]

I met Aaron when I was 14 years old. We were in the choir together, and in the same math class. In math, he sat in front of me, and he'd always sprawl out on my desk, talking to me and being a charming, arrogant little shit. (Something he is to this day.) I loved him instantly.

We went through a lot together. He knew me before, and then after, my hardcore Christian phase. He saw me through a lot of changes. When we were 17, we came out to each other simultaneously. He saw me through more transformative periods of my life, and knew more about me, than anybody had before-- and than anybody has since.

The trouble was, it wasn't enough for him to be loved intensely and honestly by one person. He wanted to be adored by everyone-- even if it meant they never knew him well. I knew who he was as a vulnerable, flawed person, and I think that scared him. I think he wanted to be loved by people who thought he could do no wrong. And so we'd have periods of intense involvement with each other (more than platonic-- I think what we had was sort of a romantic relationship without a sexual component. Except for that one time he got really drunk and we made out in a bathroom. But that's another story.), followed by him abandoning me for someone else who knew him less but admired him more. I hated when he did that, but I assumed he'd always come back to me.

Then when I turned 20, something shifted. I was in Japan, and for months on end I never got so much as an e-mail from him. There I was, calling him, writing him letters, sending him gifts-- but nothing on his end. And being away from him helped me look at him in a more detached light-- something I needed to do. I realized I didn't want to keep being abandoned for other people. I didn't want to be abandoned. I felt like I was growing up, and he wasn't growing with me.

I cut off contact with him-- except for a couple times since then that I've seen him. It's never been the same during those times, but I miss him a lot. He was the closest friend I ever had-- and for me, intense friendship means more to me than dating or romance. I still feel adrift and lonely without him, and though I know we'll never be friends again, I miss him horribly.