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morrigirlI dunno what the problem is. Why the hell have I been feeling so ugly for the past two nights? I don't feel like being reflective or writing anything worthwhile, I just feel like being pathetic and begging someone to care about me!
Guess I'm lonely. Maybe that's it. I haven't hung out with anyone since Josh dumped me. I want to find out how his first day of work went but I don't think I'm ready to call him. I still feel too hurt. He has become just another example of how defective I am. I can't deal with him right now. I sent him the link to this journal a while back. I wonder if he got it? Wonder if he gives a shit? I asked him to email me back so I'd know that he got it. Maybe he's mad at me.
I feel the need to be doted on. I want someone to cuddle with me, and take me out to dinner or to a movie. I want someone to care about what I did during the day, someone who will tell me how beautiful and wonderful I am, and how much they love me. Someone who will make me smile.
Where are you? They say there is someone for everyone, well where the hell is my someone? YOO HOO!!! Are you out there? Where's my other half?
Here's a thought I've had before: Kirk was my other half, and now that he's dead I'm destined to be alone.
I used to think everyone had more than one potential life partner. I'm starting to doubt that.
Through all my self-examination I've been trying to create enough self-love that I won't need to look to others to give me my self-worth. Cause thats essentially WHY I want someone in my life. I want them to love me the way I was never loved as a child. And while I've been doing pretty well over the last few days, every now and then I just gotta fall back into the hole. It becomes to hard to hold myself up. I'm kind of afraid that if I learn to take care of myself on an emotional level than no one will want me because all my needs will be met and I won't need anything from anyone else. Who wants to date someone who doesn't need you?
I hate late lonely nights. And I hate it when I start talking like this. Makes me feel weak.
Guess I'm lonely. Maybe that's it. I haven't hung out with anyone since Josh dumped me. I want to find out how his first day of work went but I don't think I'm ready to call him. I still feel too hurt. He has become just another example of how defective I am. I can't deal with him right now. I sent him the link to this journal a while back. I wonder if he got it? Wonder if he gives a shit? I asked him to email me back so I'd know that he got it. Maybe he's mad at me.
I feel the need to be doted on. I want someone to cuddle with me, and take me out to dinner or to a movie. I want someone to care about what I did during the day, someone who will tell me how beautiful and wonderful I am, and how much they love me. Someone who will make me smile.
Where are you? They say there is someone for everyone, well where the hell is my someone? YOO HOO!!! Are you out there? Where's my other half?
Here's a thought I've had before: Kirk was my other half, and now that he's dead I'm destined to be alone.
I used to think everyone had more than one potential life partner. I'm starting to doubt that.
Through all my self-examination I've been trying to create enough self-love that I won't need to look to others to give me my self-worth. Cause thats essentially WHY I want someone in my life. I want them to love me the way I was never loved as a child. And while I've been doing pretty well over the last few days, every now and then I just gotta fall back into the hole. It becomes to hard to hold myself up. I'm kind of afraid that if I learn to take care of myself on an emotional level than no one will want me because all my needs will be met and I won't need anything from anyone else. Who wants to date someone who doesn't need you?
I hate late lonely nights. And I hate it when I start talking like this. Makes me feel weak.
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Date: 2003-08-19 01:18 pm (UTC)Don't try too hard to seek affection right now. If you do, you will only make yourself feel worse, because it's never easy to find by actively searching. Just relax, be yourself, do things you enjoy. Heck, maybe you should try to convince yourself that you're NOT looking for attention. Nothing makes people show expressed interest in you as effectively as not wanting it. ^_^'
We love you, Carla. Remember that, and be a little patient. All will turn out well.
*sigh*
Date: 2003-08-19 10:55 pm (UTC)And i know i am quite cacpable of being physically cute but...when I say I'm ugly that's really not what I'm referring to. I mean as a person...I'm just not what anyone wants. No one wants to date a depressed, needy, obsessive, unemployed, delusional, anxiety ridden girl.
I'm tired of being patient. Everyone else around me is blissfully happy. I want to be blissful too.