Keeping You
Oct. 9th, 2002 02:55 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
morrigirlMilestone in my life as a suicide survivor last night: I dreampt that I could save Kirk.
I dreampt that I was able to go back in time a week or maybe a few days before he killed himself. For some reason he was staying over at my house for a few days, and the two of us were really enjoying our time together. Only I was aware of the fact that he was going to kill himself a few days after he left. He, was not. So I just figured if I could think of a way to make him stay a few days extra with me, that the suicide could be avoided.
I was very confused after I woke up. I was glad to have dreampt of him, it was almost as though he were still alive. That's what made waking up so awful. Realizing how very GONE he actually is. He is not coming back and there is nothing I can do about it. He has left existence permanently. I don't think the the enormity of that has truly hit me yet. I got a little sampling of it this morning.
I dreampt that I was able to go back in time a week or maybe a few days before he killed himself. For some reason he was staying over at my house for a few days, and the two of us were really enjoying our time together. Only I was aware of the fact that he was going to kill himself a few days after he left. He, was not. So I just figured if I could think of a way to make him stay a few days extra with me, that the suicide could be avoided.
I was very confused after I woke up. I was glad to have dreampt of him, it was almost as though he were still alive. That's what made waking up so awful. Realizing how very GONE he actually is. He is not coming back and there is nothing I can do about it. He has left existence permanently. I don't think the the enormity of that has truly hit me yet. I got a little sampling of it this morning.
