Suicide Method of Choice
Sep. 29th, 2002 09:43 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
morrigirlOn the way back from my Psych review session I found a kitty on the Gizmo patio. Even though I knew I'd break out in hives, I went over to play with him. He was so friendly. He came right up to me and rubbed up against me and let me pet him. He was such a sweetie, darn near followed me into the Giz.
Even after I washed my hands and arms, they still started breaking out. My arms itch like hell right now but I don't really care. It's been so long since I've played with a cat. I had fun.
Normally I wouldn't even have approached the animal but I'm feeling reckless these days. I remember one night first year, right after I found out about Moses and Allison and was still in the crying all night, "oh my god how could he do this to me" phase (Hmm it just now dawns on me that the initial response to break up and suicide are almost identical,) I went down to Raub 2 and just buried my face in Bobby's fur. I just held him on my lap and cried into his fur with utter abandon. And everyone laughed because that was my idea of self destructive behavior, nuzzling a cat.
I remember saying once that if I were going to kill myself, I'd just buy a cat. Serious. I mean I know I talk a lot in this journal abour cutting my wrists but honestly, I'd never do that because I'm deathly afraid of blood. I told Tina last night if she ever plans on incruing massive physical injury to make sure she does it when I'm not around. I'd flip out from all the blood. Anyway, yeah if I wanted to die, I'd just buy a cat, and fall asleep with the damn thing on my face! Within 15 minutes I'd be having a major allergic reaction, my throat would swell up, I wouldn't be able to breath, and I'd suffocate, much like Kirk.
Yeah it would be crazy painful, but what could be nicer then dying while nuzzling a sweet pretty kitty?
Even after I washed my hands and arms, they still started breaking out. My arms itch like hell right now but I don't really care. It's been so long since I've played with a cat. I had fun.
Normally I wouldn't even have approached the animal but I'm feeling reckless these days. I remember one night first year, right after I found out about Moses and Allison and was still in the crying all night, "oh my god how could he do this to me" phase (Hmm it just now dawns on me that the initial response to break up and suicide are almost identical,) I went down to Raub 2 and just buried my face in Bobby's fur. I just held him on my lap and cried into his fur with utter abandon. And everyone laughed because that was my idea of self destructive behavior, nuzzling a cat.
I remember saying once that if I were going to kill myself, I'd just buy a cat. Serious. I mean I know I talk a lot in this journal abour cutting my wrists but honestly, I'd never do that because I'm deathly afraid of blood. I told Tina last night if she ever plans on incruing massive physical injury to make sure she does it when I'm not around. I'd flip out from all the blood. Anyway, yeah if I wanted to die, I'd just buy a cat, and fall asleep with the damn thing on my face! Within 15 minutes I'd be having a major allergic reaction, my throat would swell up, I wouldn't be able to breath, and I'd suffocate, much like Kirk.
Yeah it would be crazy painful, but what could be nicer then dying while nuzzling a sweet pretty kitty?
