Write, Right?
Sep. 27th, 2002 12:20 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
morrigirlWell I guess it's that time of the night again, time to write about my life, time to inform the faithfully bored fans of this journal what the heck I've been up to all day.
First off let me tell you that we have a first year Kirk look alike and it's somewhat unsettling. I swear this guy is the spit and image of my Kirk; same hair, similar eyes, same build, just about the same height. The first time I saw him my heart skipped a beat. Even his VOICE is like Kirk's, same nasal tone, only Kirk's was deeper. He lives in Seymour and I keep passing him in the halls. Everytime I see him I just have this overwhelming urge to throw myself at his feet. I want to just stand otside his room and watch his comings and goings. I want to follow him. I want to get as close to him as possible in some feeble attempt to stay close to Kirk.
Speaking of which, I've been having a lot of "in the ground" thoughts today. I was remembering how nice it was to have Kirk stroke my hair, touch my arms, kiss me and such. And I can remember everything about him vividly, only whenever I get to the point that I can actually feel him touching me, the feeling fades, and I remember that his hand doesn't exist anymore. What's the point of fantsizing about something you know you can never ever have again? It's just so sad. THe memory of his touch will always be just a memory. I can never look forward to it again.
Oh and I didn't tell you, while I was home I discovered three old messages from Kirk on my answering machine. I listened to them over and over again. He sounded so, upbeat. Listening to him speak it didn't even register that he was gone. I hope no one erases them.
Well, on a lighter note Elisabeth did something very sweet for me today. She sent me her copy of "Beautiful Child" to read. She thought it would be a good way to get my mind off of things. Isn't that nice of her?
By the way I discovered this really great site through the suicide survivors Yahoo group I'm in. It's www.suicidememorialwall.com It's a cyber wall upon which you can memorialize loved onee who have committed suicide, you just submit thier name, approximate dates, any mental illnesses and method of death. Needless to say i submitted Kirk's name. It just got put up on the second wall. I'm glad it's there, so not even strangers can ever forget that he lived and was loved.
Goddess, I wish I could talk about something other then Kirk but I just can't. He's all that I have in my head right now. My readers must be getting horribly bored. Eh, I guess it's no worse then when I was writing everyday about how much I hated myself. Even I got bored of that shit.
Oh I know I have more to say and that I will think of it the moment I shut down the computer.
But that's life, aye?
First off let me tell you that we have a first year Kirk look alike and it's somewhat unsettling. I swear this guy is the spit and image of my Kirk; same hair, similar eyes, same build, just about the same height. The first time I saw him my heart skipped a beat. Even his VOICE is like Kirk's, same nasal tone, only Kirk's was deeper. He lives in Seymour and I keep passing him in the halls. Everytime I see him I just have this overwhelming urge to throw myself at his feet. I want to just stand otside his room and watch his comings and goings. I want to follow him. I want to get as close to him as possible in some feeble attempt to stay close to Kirk.
Speaking of which, I've been having a lot of "in the ground" thoughts today. I was remembering how nice it was to have Kirk stroke my hair, touch my arms, kiss me and such. And I can remember everything about him vividly, only whenever I get to the point that I can actually feel him touching me, the feeling fades, and I remember that his hand doesn't exist anymore. What's the point of fantsizing about something you know you can never ever have again? It's just so sad. THe memory of his touch will always be just a memory. I can never look forward to it again.
Oh and I didn't tell you, while I was home I discovered three old messages from Kirk on my answering machine. I listened to them over and over again. He sounded so, upbeat. Listening to him speak it didn't even register that he was gone. I hope no one erases them.
Well, on a lighter note Elisabeth did something very sweet for me today. She sent me her copy of "Beautiful Child" to read. She thought it would be a good way to get my mind off of things. Isn't that nice of her?
By the way I discovered this really great site through the suicide survivors Yahoo group I'm in. It's www.suicidememorialwall.com It's a cyber wall upon which you can memorialize loved onee who have committed suicide, you just submit thier name, approximate dates, any mental illnesses and method of death. Needless to say i submitted Kirk's name. It just got put up on the second wall. I'm glad it's there, so not even strangers can ever forget that he lived and was loved.
Goddess, I wish I could talk about something other then Kirk but I just can't. He's all that I have in my head right now. My readers must be getting horribly bored. Eh, I guess it's no worse then when I was writing everyday about how much I hated myself. Even I got bored of that shit.
Oh I know I have more to say and that I will think of it the moment I shut down the computer.
But that's life, aye?
