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morrigirlI want to gut my mother with a very big, pointy knife! I swear the woman is so oblivious it's disgusting. She assumes I'm stupid concerning all the areas I excell at and that I excell at all the areas I'm stupid in?! What's up with that?! And Jesus Christ it's no wonder i'm such a fuck up considering the fact that she second guesses every fucking thing I do! How the hell am I suppose to develop any sense of self worth or confidence that way huh?
God damn, I have got to move out of here. Sure, I won't know anyone in Chicago and probably won't make any friends, and will be lonely for the rest of my life, but I'd rather be lonely WITHOUT my mother than lonely with her which is what I'd be if I came back to New York after graduation. The least I can do for myself is make sure she doesn't spend the rest of her life making me feel like shit on a daily basis.
God I feel so pent up and angry and frustrated, and I just want to talk to someone but there's no one I feel I can turn to. Elisabeth has got to be sick of hearing me rant about nothing, I have no desire to continue bogging her down in my crap. I don't feel comfortable talking to Kirk about my problems since he has his own shit and can't really be there for me. No one in Illinois understands what it's like to be suicidally depressed and totally desperate. Hell I get tired of listening to myself whine about this shit.
I think that's one of the reasons I haven't been writing or emailing anyone recently, I don't feel like I have the right to talk. Everyone has heard this before. I'm just going on and on about the stuff I've always complained about. I'm exhausting everyone especially myself. And if I don't even want to hear it, why the hell would anyone else?
God damn, I have got to move out of here. Sure, I won't know anyone in Chicago and probably won't make any friends, and will be lonely for the rest of my life, but I'd rather be lonely WITHOUT my mother than lonely with her which is what I'd be if I came back to New York after graduation. The least I can do for myself is make sure she doesn't spend the rest of her life making me feel like shit on a daily basis.
God I feel so pent up and angry and frustrated, and I just want to talk to someone but there's no one I feel I can turn to. Elisabeth has got to be sick of hearing me rant about nothing, I have no desire to continue bogging her down in my crap. I don't feel comfortable talking to Kirk about my problems since he has his own shit and can't really be there for me. No one in Illinois understands what it's like to be suicidally depressed and totally desperate. Hell I get tired of listening to myself whine about this shit.
I think that's one of the reasons I haven't been writing or emailing anyone recently, I don't feel like I have the right to talk. Everyone has heard this before. I'm just going on and on about the stuff I've always complained about. I'm exhausting everyone especially myself. And if I don't even want to hear it, why the hell would anyone else?
