With or Without You
May. 13th, 2002 05:21 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
morrigirlI decided to go to class. I figured that talking to Christopher about last night's Buffy episode would make me feel better. I was right. It did. Also he surprised me by having FIVE more episodes for me to watch. Guess who isn't doing any homework tonight?
Not that I would have been doing any anyway. Today is the start of tech week which means from now until Saturday my life revolves around Mary Morales. We have call at 5:30 tonight so we can fix hair, makeup, and costumes. The actual run starts at 7:30 and who knows how long that will go. Mary said it'll be very stop and go. There are lots of corrections that need to be made in the rumpus scene.
So luckily I won't really have much time to reflect on anything Kevin said today. This is a good thing. I enjoy rehearsals, everyone is so goofy, I'm sure it will lift my spirits a bit more.
I made an appointment to see Dean Bailey on Wednesday. I was just bawling while I was Iming Kevin earlier. I think that's the last straw. I can't do this anymore. I really want to give up. I'm tired of all the trying, I don't have the physical or emotional resources to try right now. I need a nice deep rest, and Galesburg isn't equipt to give me that. I need to talk to him and figure out what to do. I'm so confused.
But even so I'm numb. Nothing matters. They matter even less after today. At least winning Kevin back was some goal, something to strive for. I don't have anything to strive for now. I don't know what I should be doing and I don't know what I can do. I need help. I need options. I need tools and material to work with.
I dont feel like I have any of the above.
Not that I would have been doing any anyway. Today is the start of tech week which means from now until Saturday my life revolves around Mary Morales. We have call at 5:30 tonight so we can fix hair, makeup, and costumes. The actual run starts at 7:30 and who knows how long that will go. Mary said it'll be very stop and go. There are lots of corrections that need to be made in the rumpus scene.
So luckily I won't really have much time to reflect on anything Kevin said today. This is a good thing. I enjoy rehearsals, everyone is so goofy, I'm sure it will lift my spirits a bit more.
I made an appointment to see Dean Bailey on Wednesday. I was just bawling while I was Iming Kevin earlier. I think that's the last straw. I can't do this anymore. I really want to give up. I'm tired of all the trying, I don't have the physical or emotional resources to try right now. I need a nice deep rest, and Galesburg isn't equipt to give me that. I need to talk to him and figure out what to do. I'm so confused.
But even so I'm numb. Nothing matters. They matter even less after today. At least winning Kevin back was some goal, something to strive for. I don't have anything to strive for now. I don't know what I should be doing and I don't know what I can do. I need help. I need options. I need tools and material to work with.
I dont feel like I have any of the above.
