All This Death
Feb. 27th, 2002 01:59 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
morrigirlIt is like death outside. Every inch of ground is covered in white and the wind is packing a mighty punch. I'm wearing three layers of clothes, one of which is a wool sweater and I'm still freezing my ass off.
I am freaking out mighty damn bad as I write this. I went to fiction class today and discovered that simply walking across campus in this weather was enough to completely tire me out. I was totally useless in class. The antibiotics I am on don't seem to be helping me. All they are doing is upsetting my stomach. I felt nauseated all through class and I even had to get up once, go to the bathroom and have a nice long cry. Robin suggested I take an incomplete in a class or two. That upset me even more. So I had to have another long cry after I got out of class. I can't afford to drop anything. If I do it means no graduation for me...EVER! But I'm so frightened of taking any incompletes. I dont want to spend my spring break doing homework. But I might just have to.
At any rate, after class I made an appointment to see Dean Bailey tomorrow. Maybe he can help me a little. Plus, I feel so bad I think I'm gonna go to the emergency room tonight since all the doctors offices are closed now.
I feel so sick and I'm so scared I really dont know what to do.
Some additional yet not as pressing worries: I really want to try out for "Why We Have a Body" which is going up in studio next term. The auditions are this Thusday. I haven't done real theater in so long and I would kill to get cast. But I'm afraid I wont be well enough to go :(
Also I'm afraid I'm becoming to dependent on Kevin. I'm IMing him as I write because I just need someone to talk to. But at the same time I'm afraid I'm freaking him out. Everyday I look forward to talking to him. I don't like that. I don't like feeling myself care. I don't like the amount of reliance I am currently placing on him. I should be able to take care of myself. I don't like...wanting him to take care of me, even if I am sick. I want to be self reliant but I don't feel like I am right now and I'm afraid that will scare him away and just...everything is a mess right now!
I am freaking out mighty damn bad as I write this. I went to fiction class today and discovered that simply walking across campus in this weather was enough to completely tire me out. I was totally useless in class. The antibiotics I am on don't seem to be helping me. All they are doing is upsetting my stomach. I felt nauseated all through class and I even had to get up once, go to the bathroom and have a nice long cry. Robin suggested I take an incomplete in a class or two. That upset me even more. So I had to have another long cry after I got out of class. I can't afford to drop anything. If I do it means no graduation for me...EVER! But I'm so frightened of taking any incompletes. I dont want to spend my spring break doing homework. But I might just have to.
At any rate, after class I made an appointment to see Dean Bailey tomorrow. Maybe he can help me a little. Plus, I feel so bad I think I'm gonna go to the emergency room tonight since all the doctors offices are closed now.
I feel so sick and I'm so scared I really dont know what to do.
Some additional yet not as pressing worries: I really want to try out for "Why We Have a Body" which is going up in studio next term. The auditions are this Thusday. I haven't done real theater in so long and I would kill to get cast. But I'm afraid I wont be well enough to go :(
Also I'm afraid I'm becoming to dependent on Kevin. I'm IMing him as I write because I just need someone to talk to. But at the same time I'm afraid I'm freaking him out. Everyday I look forward to talking to him. I don't like that. I don't like feeling myself care. I don't like the amount of reliance I am currently placing on him. I should be able to take care of myself. I don't like...wanting him to take care of me, even if I am sick. I want to be self reliant but I don't feel like I am right now and I'm afraid that will scare him away and just...everything is a mess right now!
