A Cool Night in the City

Haven't written in a while. Well, no that's not true, it's only been three days or so. Still, to someone who is used to writing every single day it feels like an eternity. I've tried to update. But I dunno what my problem is. I'll sit down at the computer and either either nothing will come out or nothing but pure drivel will ooze out.

Part of my problem is I never think to write when I'm in the right frame of mind. I always try to update either just after I wake up or right before I go to bed, periods during which I am way tired and/or groggy and can't form coherent thoughts.

My other problem is...not much has really been going on. Over the last week I've sorta relaxed about..oh, everything. I'm not as worried about not having a job. I'm still sending out resumes but I'm not having a melt down when no one calls me in for an interview. I've lost all desire to leave the house, but I'm thinking of it as a bad thing. If I don't go out I can't spend money I don't have which I ALWAYS do when I'm out and about. I dunno, i've just been sitting at home watching TV, playing Sims, serfing the internet, and playing with my dolls. Not a bad existence, but not a terribly interesting one either.

Been feeling pretty numb. Can't even muster up enough passion to be concern about my lack of feeling. And since i'm not feeling anything, I'm not feeling bad. Which is fine by me. Would rather feel level than be all stressed over nothing.

That's all for now. Ta ta.

All Points Bulletain

Everything is a game.

I Dream Funny

I had a whole slew of really weird, really scary dreams last night. IN one of them I was stuck on an airplane where a John Malkovich typed man was threatening to shoot all of us. He wound up pretty much shooting my hand off.

The next one involved Knox people, Will Culbertson most prominently. A whole bunch of us were dining in a favorite restaurant when some sort of crash or explosion or something occurred in the place, killing many of the patrons. Afterwards, Will And I start suffering from PTSD.

I think those two dreams are linked to the upcoming anniversary of the 9/11 attacks. It's a very high profile day and all the news broadcasts have been reporting on it so it's very much in the forefront of my subconscious.

Thr third weird dream involved my apartment. I dreampt we had extra boarders staying with us over the summer. There was me, Mom, Laura, some random guy, and Katie Nelson whose name was Maria in the dream. Anyway, I had a huge crush on the guy, but the guy liked Laura and she liked him back so i felt very rejected. To top it all off, neither the gy, Laura, or my Mom liked me at ALL and I just felt totally alone in my own house. And Mom kept screwing things up and making fun of me. She broke my computer and blamed me for it, she made fun of my interests, it was horrible.

Guess this dream is a depiction of how I'm doing emotionally. Numb or not numb, there appears to much going on below the surface.