Stupid Carla

It's two o'clock. I just woke up. Was stirred by a phone call from Josh cancelling our plans for today. And of course now I feel like shit.

It's not like he's made a habit of breaking dates with me. But I just thought we'd finally get to spend some alone time together tonight. My Mom and Laura are both out of town so I was planning on inviting him over for dinner and a movie. Sure would beat just wandering around the city like we do every time we see each other. Being out in public is so impersonal. You can't connect with someone like that. I'm starting to think all that lip service about slowing down and traking our time was just a nice way for him to say he's not interested. God damn it I just fucking wish he would say it if that's what he's thinking.

I hate it when people tip toe around the truth. Just say what you fucking mean. Sure it may hurt but it proviceds a cleaner break than a half truth will. I hate being strung along. Why am I such a door mat? Why the hell do I need some one so much? Is it possible to be co-dependent and not have a boyfriend?

Now I don't know what to do today. I'll prolly just sit around me house doing nothing. Watching TV.

I hate my life.

Internet

Yeah, this sounds about right.

http://www.cnn.com/TECH/computing/9808/30/cyberstudy/

I've been inside all day. I'm bored. I played Neopets, some solitaire, Hearts, and pinball. Seems like computer games are all I'm gonna have tonight. I tried to watch Mary Poppins on video, but my cpy is darn near close to 15 years old now and it's getting screwy. So here I am, back online.

The internet puts me in a trance like state. I lose myself in it. Maybe that's why people spend so much time online.