Home Alone

*B I G sigh*

I am SOOOOOOOOOO bored. <- That's my inner twelve year old talking. Mom and Laura haven't been gone one day and i'm already on the verge of brain deadness. (See what I mean? that last sentence was a travesty of the written language...So is this one.)

On the up side though there's no one around to nag me about filling up the ice trays or picking my clothes up off the floor. The living room is looking more and more like my old dorm room with each passing minute. I've got my pillows and my comforter on the couch, I've enabled the throw pillows to live up to their name by tossing them helter skelter all over the place, my bra is laying in the middle of the carpet, and the sofa is surrounded by books and empty glasses making it apparent that I haven't left this spoy in several hours.

Mike called. Said he prolly wouldn't be able to hang out this weekend. BLAH! I'd call Elisabeth but..I dunno, i just haven't felt like hanging out with her since I came home. I don't have the energy to deal with her.

So? What to do? I'm open to suggestions.

I could always just start feeling sorry for myself again. But I try to save that for the wee wee hours of the morning. It's tradition, it's routine and we all know how much I hate to upset my routine.

What a Beautiful Morning - SCN

It has been a pretty spiffy day thus far. Sure I've only been awake for three and a half hours but that short time has been very nice.

Woke up to find a Teiwaz update in my inbox and guess what? He's getting out tomorrow!!! Isn't that wonderful? Garrett's going to pick him up and he's bringing him his cell phone so Mike wanted to know if it was okay to call me. Of course I said yes, so I'm expecting to hear from him some time after 3:30 tomorrow. I wanna ask him what the fuck happened. I want the whole story.

And I spoke with dear darling Christopher for about two hours on IM. We comiserated over Buffy and writing and being unemployed as well as dateless. I love his dry sense of humor, it just cracks me up. Speaking to him was a very fine way to start the day.

I dragged my sixth grade diary out of the closet the other day and read some entries. God, it was heart breaking. In almost every entry I talk about how much I hate myself and how much everyone else hates me and how worthless I am. And I was only 11!!! Eleven year olds aren't supposed to think things like that!!!

And I realized what an obsessive and active fantasy life I had, and to a certain degree still possess, while growing up. I felt totally under attack in the real world so I would latch onto a celebrity or a certain character from literature and build an entire fantasy world around them. Christian Slater, V. C. Andrews, L. J. Smith, to name a few. No wonder I'm mildly delusional. Growing up I developed this coping mechanism to separate myself from a world where I felt abused and neglected. It's a fucking wonder I didn't develop MPD, although I'm pretty sure I suffer from PTSD.

Been lounging around. I didn't fold up the couch today. Gonna leave it open all day long! Ah the beauty of being home alone.

One More Thing - SCN

HAPPY 150TH BIRTHDAY CENTRAL PARK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!