What a Beautiful Morning - SCN
Jul. 19th, 2003 08:42 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
morrigirlIt has been a pretty spiffy day thus far. Sure I've only been awake for three and a half hours but that short time has been very nice.
Woke up to find a Teiwaz update in my inbox and guess what? He's getting out tomorrow!!! Isn't that wonderful? Garrett's going to pick him up and he's bringing him his cell phone so Mike wanted to know if it was okay to call me. Of course I said yes, so I'm expecting to hear from him some time after 3:30 tomorrow. I wanna ask him what the fuck happened. I want the whole story.
And I spoke with dear darling Christopher for about two hours on IM. We comiserated over Buffy and writing and being unemployed as well as dateless. I love his dry sense of humor, it just cracks me up. Speaking to him was a very fine way to start the day.
I dragged my sixth grade diary out of the closet the other day and read some entries. God, it was heart breaking. In almost every entry I talk about how much I hate myself and how much everyone else hates me and how worthless I am. And I was only 11!!! Eleven year olds aren't supposed to think things like that!!!
And I realized what an obsessive and active fantasy life I had, and to a certain degree still possess, while growing up. I felt totally under attack in the real world so I would latch onto a celebrity or a certain character from literature and build an entire fantasy world around them. Christian Slater, V. C. Andrews, L. J. Smith, to name a few. No wonder I'm mildly delusional. Growing up I developed this coping mechanism to separate myself from a world where I felt abused and neglected. It's a fucking wonder I didn't develop MPD, although I'm pretty sure I suffer from PTSD.
Been lounging around. I didn't fold up the couch today. Gonna leave it open all day long! Ah the beauty of being home alone.
Woke up to find a Teiwaz update in my inbox and guess what? He's getting out tomorrow!!! Isn't that wonderful? Garrett's going to pick him up and he's bringing him his cell phone so Mike wanted to know if it was okay to call me. Of course I said yes, so I'm expecting to hear from him some time after 3:30 tomorrow. I wanna ask him what the fuck happened. I want the whole story.
And I spoke with dear darling Christopher for about two hours on IM. We comiserated over Buffy and writing and being unemployed as well as dateless. I love his dry sense of humor, it just cracks me up. Speaking to him was a very fine way to start the day.
I dragged my sixth grade diary out of the closet the other day and read some entries. God, it was heart breaking. In almost every entry I talk about how much I hate myself and how much everyone else hates me and how worthless I am. And I was only 11!!! Eleven year olds aren't supposed to think things like that!!!
And I realized what an obsessive and active fantasy life I had, and to a certain degree still possess, while growing up. I felt totally under attack in the real world so I would latch onto a celebrity or a certain character from literature and build an entire fantasy world around them. Christian Slater, V. C. Andrews, L. J. Smith, to name a few. No wonder I'm mildly delusional. Growing up I developed this coping mechanism to separate myself from a world where I felt abused and neglected. It's a fucking wonder I didn't develop MPD, although I'm pretty sure I suffer from PTSD.
Been lounging around. I didn't fold up the couch today. Gonna leave it open all day long! Ah the beauty of being home alone.
