Stained

Why does Christmas always bring out the worst in me? I swear I always get my pissiest and my most depressed on Christmas. I dunno, I guess all the love and the hype and the giving just kinda bring to the foreground all my flaws. All the things I think I lack.

For instance, right now it is the dawn of christmas day and all I can think of is how lonely I feel even though Mom and Mike and Danielle will be here to give me presents very soon. I feel fat and hideously ugly after reading the many livejournal's of my friends highlighting the fact that yes, everyone but me is getting laid this holiday.

Oh and while we're on the subject, do you know that it has now officially been one year since I've had sex? That is the longest I've gone without it since I lost my virginity. And as is typical after any sort of dry spell I am thoroughly convinced that I will never get laid ever again :( Serious. I mean I've worn out all my options at Knox, and God I don't see myself meeting anyone new after graduation. I'll just be another unemployed college graduate living with Mommy.

And do you know that I'm gonna have to head back to school in less than 10 days I think? Where did this break go? I feel like I didn't do any relaxing. I mean, first week I was all busy with dad, then I was working on my portfolio, then i was christmas shopping, and this final week I'm gonna ahve to do what I do every final week of december, make time to see all the people I didn't see during the 5 weeks I was home! Thus far the list includes Deepa, Elisabeth , and Alan. I would hope thats it, but it never is. Someone else will pop up. Oh we need to have AI night before I go home. I wanta eat at Nacho Mama's.

And I didn't tell you yesterday, I found the perfect gift for Gayle. Had to go all the way to Urban Outfitters for it but when I found it, it was like discovering the holy grail. She's gonna love it. (And the fact that I am writing so much about it is killing her right now, JUST KILLING her! But try as she might she will NEVER guess what it is. *waves* Hi Gayley :D)

And I thought up the perfect gift for Heather, one that won't even require me to spend any money, big plus there.

Even so, I'm still lonely here in my room, on the computer, wishing I had...something. Wish I didn't feel...like my life is over. really that's the intuitive feeling I'm beginning to get. I'm never gonna get laid again, never gonna get married, never gonna find a good job in this shit house economy, never make anymore new friends, never get published, never act again, never move into my own place, and with all the conflict going on in the world, maybe never even live to see graduation day. Not that that would be bad. I wouldn't mind not seeing graduation day. It's even more scary than incineration by nuclear warheads.

I could survive armageddon. I don't think I can survive...life.

Okay I'm gonna go cry now.

How Tough

Got this forward from Tristina a few days ago; cracked my shit UP!!! - Carla


When I was a kid adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were when they were growing up; what with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning uphill both ways through year 'round blizards carrying their younger siblings on their backs to their one-room schoolhouse where they maintained a straight-A average despite their full-time after-school job at the local textile mill where they worked for 35 cents an hour just to help keep their family from starving to death!

And I remember promising myself that when I grew up there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it!

But....

Now that I've reached the ripe old age of twenty-nine, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today.

You've got it so fuckin' easy!

I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a goddamned Utopia!

And I hate to say it but you kids today you don't know how good you've got it!

I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have The Internet--we wanted to know something, we had to go to the goddamned library and look it up ourselves!

And there was no email! We had to actually write somebody a letter--with a pen!--and then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the fuckin' mailbox and it would take like a week to get there!

And there were no MP3s or Napsters! You wanted to steal music, you had to go to the goddamned record store and shoplift it yourself! Or we had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ'd usually talk over the begining and fuck it all up!

You want to hear about hardship?

You couldn't just download porn! You had to bribe some homeless dude to buy you a copy of "Hustler" at the 7-11! It was either that or jackoff to the lingere section of the JC Penney catalog!

Those were your options!

We didn't have fancy shit like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal! And we didn't have fancy Caller ID Boxes either! When the the phone rang, you had no idea who it was it could be your boss, your mom, a collections agent, your drug dealer, you didn't know!!! You just had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!

And we didn't have any fancy Sony Playstation videogames with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like "Space Invaders" and "Asteroids" and the graphics sucked ass! Your guy was a little square! You had to use your imagination! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen forever! And you could never win, the game just kept getting harder and faster until you died!

Just like LIFE!

When you went to the movie theater there no such thing as stadium seating! All the seats were the same height! A tall guy sat in front of you, you were screwed!

And sure, we had cable television, but back then that was only like 20 channels and there was no onscreen menu! You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on!

And there was no Cartoon Network! You could only get cartoons on Saturday morning... ...D'ya hear what the fuck I'm saying!?! We had to wait ALL WEEK, you spoiled little bastards!

That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids todayhave got it too easy. You're spoiled, I swear to God! You guys wouldn't last five minutes back in 1984!