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Keep on Growing
Dec. 3rd, 2002 01:06 amGuess what I'm not doing? That's right, my portfolio :) I'm IMing Moses and Gayle and writing in my journal. Gayley is filling me in on the latest Buffy developments because Christopher failed to do his duty when I spoke to him earlier today. And Moses is telling me how much his life sucks. Is it wrong to take pleasure in the suffering of others? Naw, of course it isn't!!! Anyway I was watching E True Hollywood Story today (gotta love christmas break) and they were talking about the curse of the poltergeist movies, and they were talking to the guy who wrote the promotional novel and he said he spent 18 hours a day working on that thing. 18 hours a day! Just writing! Makes me feel like a slacker. Of course the process and motivation connected to writing must change dramatically when there is a pay check involved. I get no paycheck for writing my portfolio. No no the ultimate pay off is nothig more than a degree that will basically do nothing for me in the long run. I might as well drop out for all the good it'll do me :-p
Been having a hard a hard time writing in this journal since I got back. I find myself finally living up to that threat I made months ago about making my entries private. Most of the stuff I've written since I got home is stuff I don't want anyone to see. Of course that totally defeats the point of being a featured writer. Rob Smith went on an interesting tirade the last day of classes. He was going on and on about the narcissism behind the livejournal phenomenon. He was like "a journal isn't a journal if everyone can read and comment on it." Personally I disagree. Many times I've wished people could read what I really have to say, which is why I started keeping this journal to begin with. My tendancy to keep entries private is more about subverting catastrophe in the present moment. Things that I say now may create hostility, but given a few months they may not seem so important anymore, hence my habit of unlocking old entries and making them public.
But...I jusy hate feeling like I have to guard myself sometimes. I want to update regularly and I want everyone to read what I'm writing but I can't always do that. But I hate creating this wall between the me who writes public entries and the one who writes private ones you know? I wonder if any of the other featured diarists have this problem?
On another note, I'm half way through the Liber Kaos. I've already found a few holes in the theory, none of which I'm prepared to expound on just yet. Let's just say Carroll's theory that the past and the future are bullshit totally conflicts with his theory that death is permanent. I'll explain this at length in a later entry. I wanna make totally sure I know what I'm talking about before I start wagging my tongue.
Hmmm dunno what else to say. I HAD other things totalk about when I started this entry, but they seem to have slipped my mind. Oh well, back to IM.
Been having a hard a hard time writing in this journal since I got back. I find myself finally living up to that threat I made months ago about making my entries private. Most of the stuff I've written since I got home is stuff I don't want anyone to see. Of course that totally defeats the point of being a featured writer. Rob Smith went on an interesting tirade the last day of classes. He was going on and on about the narcissism behind the livejournal phenomenon. He was like "a journal isn't a journal if everyone can read and comment on it." Personally I disagree. Many times I've wished people could read what I really have to say, which is why I started keeping this journal to begin with. My tendancy to keep entries private is more about subverting catastrophe in the present moment. Things that I say now may create hostility, but given a few months they may not seem so important anymore, hence my habit of unlocking old entries and making them public.
But...I jusy hate feeling like I have to guard myself sometimes. I want to update regularly and I want everyone to read what I'm writing but I can't always do that. But I hate creating this wall between the me who writes public entries and the one who writes private ones you know? I wonder if any of the other featured diarists have this problem?
On another note, I'm half way through the Liber Kaos. I've already found a few holes in the theory, none of which I'm prepared to expound on just yet. Let's just say Carroll's theory that the past and the future are bullshit totally conflicts with his theory that death is permanent. I'll explain this at length in a later entry. I wanna make totally sure I know what I'm talking about before I start wagging my tongue.
Hmmm dunno what else to say. I HAD other things totalk about when I started this entry, but they seem to have slipped my mind. Oh well, back to IM.
