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I've been feeling really trapped lately. Like I don't fit here. I love the city but the idea of moving in with my mom after graduation is just really making my stomach turn.
I feel this need to have something of my own. Over the past four, going on five years, I've had no space that was really mine. Nor have I engaged in any work that wasn't in some way forced or required of me.
I feel like I'm missing something. That I occupy space that does not support me. This house is mother's and it will never be mine. My dorm belongs to the college. I want a space all my own where I can put together the pieces of my puzzle all by myself.
I remember swearing to myself when I was very young that the moment I turned 18 I was going to leave home. I'm long overdue.
There is no way I could afford an apartment here in the city by myself, or with a roomate. So I'll just have to move. I'll have to find a job before I graduate and then go where the money is. Hey, there are worse things to do.
The idea of more school right now doesn't exactly thrill me. And I'm beginning to realize, hey, this is my life. I'm 23 years old now. I am officially old enough to not have to listen to anyone anymore, to not have to aim to please anyone other then myself. I want to write, sure. But at the moment I would rather be independent. Living on my own taking care of myself. It's what I need right now.
And truth be told there are a myriad of options open to me. I could talk to Linda Carlyle and ask her about hooking me up with a radio gig. I could move down to Wilmington where Dad lives, get myself set up in an apartment and find a job. I could move to Chicago and find a job like so many other Knoxians have. I could pick a geographical location, go there and find work. I've always been fond of Vermont.
This is what I will have to do you see, because it's time to stop living my life to please everyone else.
I feel this need to have something of my own. Over the past four, going on five years, I've had no space that was really mine. Nor have I engaged in any work that wasn't in some way forced or required of me.
I feel like I'm missing something. That I occupy space that does not support me. This house is mother's and it will never be mine. My dorm belongs to the college. I want a space all my own where I can put together the pieces of my puzzle all by myself.
I remember swearing to myself when I was very young that the moment I turned 18 I was going to leave home. I'm long overdue.
There is no way I could afford an apartment here in the city by myself, or with a roomate. So I'll just have to move. I'll have to find a job before I graduate and then go where the money is. Hey, there are worse things to do.
The idea of more school right now doesn't exactly thrill me. And I'm beginning to realize, hey, this is my life. I'm 23 years old now. I am officially old enough to not have to listen to anyone anymore, to not have to aim to please anyone other then myself. I want to write, sure. But at the moment I would rather be independent. Living on my own taking care of myself. It's what I need right now.
And truth be told there are a myriad of options open to me. I could talk to Linda Carlyle and ask her about hooking me up with a radio gig. I could move down to Wilmington where Dad lives, get myself set up in an apartment and find a job. I could move to Chicago and find a job like so many other Knoxians have. I could pick a geographical location, go there and find work. I've always been fond of Vermont.
This is what I will have to do you see, because it's time to stop living my life to please everyone else.
