Numb

Gee, guess how I feel?

I haven't felt like writing the last few days and I still don't. But I still feel obligated to say something. Sometimes feeling like you have a responsibility to your readers is a bitch. I mean, this is my journal so I should be able to stop writing in it for months at a stretch if I want to. But being a featured writer I have to post at least one or two times a week. Blah.

I have a lot to feel happy about, but I don't feel anything. I used my gift certificates, I'm reading books (boring ones but you know me, I can't bring myself to stop halfway through,)I talked to dad this week, saw a good movie with Aurelie tonight.

But I sleep too much. And I'm overeating. I'm gaining weight at record speed now. I feel ugly, and tired. But other then that I feel nothing. And I am not unhappy enough to stop eating yet or to get up off my ass and do something. But at the same time I do.

There are so many things I could and should do for myself. I just don't want them enough. Don't want to exert the effort. I feel so tired all the time. Getting up is hard again. I don't know what the problem is.

Oh, Paul is coming to visit the city. Any other time I suppose I'd be happy. But I'm not. I'm tired. All I know is it means I'll have to be responsible to someone for five days. I dont know if I have the energy for that.

And I'm nervous. Not like I was with Kevin. I had heard Kevins voice before hand, was able to guage stuff from it. Haven't been able to guage anything from Paul. He seems nice so I hope hes not a creep.

Maybe I'm nervous because I care about him. Or I don't care enough right now.