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All Things Buffy
Jun. 21st, 2002 11:29 pmHi Journal,
Well my 23rd birthday yesterday was pretty nice. Mom, Mike, Danielle, and I went out to dinner. We sampled this mexican place in the neighbourhood call La Cucina. It was okay, but I liked Nacho Mamas better. After dinner we came back to the pad for cake and ice cream and then we watched The Others which everyone enjoyed quite thoroughly. I haven't watched Beloved yet. It's on my viewing agenda for tonight.
Anyway for my birthday I got books and music. Mike gave me the new Sheryl Crow and Tanya Donelly albums. I haven't listened to all of Sheryl yet but the Tanya album is great. My favorite song on it is Keeping You. Danielle gave me the new Alanis, which is also very good. Mom outdid herself. Not only did she give me both of the Watchers guides she gave me the Buffy Monsters Book, and the Buffy Chronicles:the Unoffical Episode Guide! Turns out she went to Barnes and Noble and forgot exactly which two episode guides I wanted. Well there were so many and she was afraid of picking the wrong one so she just bought me all of them! Bless her heart. My mother has always been eager to please.
While all the festivities went off without a hitch I didn't start off the day too well. I was still awake at 7 in the morning on my birthday thanks to my freaky sleeping schedule. I was laying in bed reading Women Who Run With The Wolves and was on the chapter where she discusses the story of the Ugly Duckling. I being the psychotic mush that I am began crying of course since I totally identify with the story. And I just started thinking about how hard I am on myself and why I am the way I am and how I need to forgive my mom but I can't. And I thought, what was the point of bringing me into this world if she was only going to abuse me to the point where I wasn't capable of thinking of myself as a worthy human being? What kind of life is it thinking that you were an accident and a defect and that everyone would be better off without you? And I thought all I'm really good for is fucking. Yup that's it. People have said I'm a bad person, a bad writer, a bad student, but no one has ever complained about my sexual prowess.
So of course I was crying my head off, trying to go to sleep but not being able to. And I developed this awful headache and eventually I went to sleep. But that was no way to start my birthday. And it made me realize yet again how blazingly fucked up I am and how much I need a fucking shrink PRONTO!
Today in the mail I got a gift certificate to B and N from Melly :) And my birthday video from Paul. Thanks guys.
Mom and I went to the ballet tonight. I had fun. I forget how much My mom loves seeing ballet. She had a huge smile on her face the entire time. Also mom got pictures in the mail of what the guy who bought Grandma and Dee dees house (?!) has done to it. The transformation is incredible, it really doesn't look like the same place. He renovated the entire thing! It's all clean and white and pretty now, not the same pack rat house my grandparents used to live in.
Oh and before I wrap this up, what the hell is up with the onslaught of featured writers huh? It's like the new cool thing to do. Everyone and their brother wants to be a featured diarist! Not to be jealous or egotistical but at this point, I think we have too many. If I were faced with such a long list of featured writers I wouldn't read any of them.
Well my 23rd birthday yesterday was pretty nice. Mom, Mike, Danielle, and I went out to dinner. We sampled this mexican place in the neighbourhood call La Cucina. It was okay, but I liked Nacho Mamas better. After dinner we came back to the pad for cake and ice cream and then we watched The Others which everyone enjoyed quite thoroughly. I haven't watched Beloved yet. It's on my viewing agenda for tonight.
Anyway for my birthday I got books and music. Mike gave me the new Sheryl Crow and Tanya Donelly albums. I haven't listened to all of Sheryl yet but the Tanya album is great. My favorite song on it is Keeping You. Danielle gave me the new Alanis, which is also very good. Mom outdid herself. Not only did she give me both of the Watchers guides she gave me the Buffy Monsters Book, and the Buffy Chronicles:the Unoffical Episode Guide! Turns out she went to Barnes and Noble and forgot exactly which two episode guides I wanted. Well there were so many and she was afraid of picking the wrong one so she just bought me all of them! Bless her heart. My mother has always been eager to please.
While all the festivities went off without a hitch I didn't start off the day too well. I was still awake at 7 in the morning on my birthday thanks to my freaky sleeping schedule. I was laying in bed reading Women Who Run With The Wolves and was on the chapter where she discusses the story of the Ugly Duckling. I being the psychotic mush that I am began crying of course since I totally identify with the story. And I just started thinking about how hard I am on myself and why I am the way I am and how I need to forgive my mom but I can't. And I thought, what was the point of bringing me into this world if she was only going to abuse me to the point where I wasn't capable of thinking of myself as a worthy human being? What kind of life is it thinking that you were an accident and a defect and that everyone would be better off without you? And I thought all I'm really good for is fucking. Yup that's it. People have said I'm a bad person, a bad writer, a bad student, but no one has ever complained about my sexual prowess.
So of course I was crying my head off, trying to go to sleep but not being able to. And I developed this awful headache and eventually I went to sleep. But that was no way to start my birthday. And it made me realize yet again how blazingly fucked up I am and how much I need a fucking shrink PRONTO!
Today in the mail I got a gift certificate to B and N from Melly :) And my birthday video from Paul. Thanks guys.
Mom and I went to the ballet tonight. I had fun. I forget how much My mom loves seeing ballet. She had a huge smile on her face the entire time. Also mom got pictures in the mail of what the guy who bought Grandma and Dee dees house (?!) has done to it. The transformation is incredible, it really doesn't look like the same place. He renovated the entire thing! It's all clean and white and pretty now, not the same pack rat house my grandparents used to live in.
Oh and before I wrap this up, what the hell is up with the onslaught of featured writers huh? It's like the new cool thing to do. Everyone and their brother wants to be a featured diarist! Not to be jealous or egotistical but at this point, I think we have too many. If I were faced with such a long list of featured writers I wouldn't read any of them.
