Foxfire

T and I just finished watching Foxfire. I always cry at the end. I've seen it a zillion times and it still kills me everytime Legs gets into that rig and drives off. And when Maddy climbs the bridge with Kristin Hersh's "Me and My Charms" playing in the background, there's just no way for me to hold back the tears. I think that scene displays one of the most effective uses of music in cinema ever.

Everytime I watch this movie I think of Dannielle. Ever since I first saw it I've equated Danni to Legs and myself to Maddy. Danni was my Legs. She breezed into my life and brightened it up, she sharpened my sight and introduced me to a new way of viewing the world. She taught me how to trust and love without condition.

I loved her the way Maddy loves Legs only more so. I loved her immediately and totally. I loved her with that juvenile ferocity that made me want to spend the rest of my life with her. I loved her honestly, the physical attraction growing out of a genuine love of her as a person, as an individual who could know and love me without asking anything in return and vice versa. I haven't loved anyone as fiercely since.

I'd still run away with her if I could. Still love her, always will. But things change. She's not the same, felt that everytime I've seen her. Heath changed her. Something of that carefree girl I knew is gone. And I guess that's as it should be.

I just wish I could love with that kind of abandon again. That defenselessness and assurence. Now I'm older and I know things. I know what sex can and can't do for you. I know that not every lover is to be trusted. I know that I am not cut out for polyamory. I know that one must guard themself at all times. There's no way around it. People in their 20's don't really respect each others emotions. It's a damn shame. Some of us have a lot of great emotions to share.

Those are my thoughts for the night.