I Wanna Stay Home

I wanna go home *pout*

Everyone else has gone home for spring break and I have to stay here because I'm poor and can't afford train fare. I'm physically and mentally exhausted, you dont know what I'd do to be in a familiar place right about now. I want my bed and my family and my living room and my morning talk shows and my late night crime dramas. I want to take my nightly walk down West End Avenue, I always find that soothing. I want to hang out with Elisabeth. I want to loaf around the Barnes and Noble on 82nd St. for a few hours.

I want to be back in the city where I can think clearly. Here everything is so muddled. My life always looks...different when I'm home. I can see it with an unbiased eye. I can see it outside of my own personal vacuum. In the city I connect. Out here I am an island.

I think the best line I've ever heard about city life comes from the Dar Williams song Mortal City...

"People built the cities because they love other people."

I think that's a very true statement. I love people. I think thats why I love my hometown so much.

In any case, I went over to Heather's tonight. Julie, Steffi, and Ruby were there. We sat around and talked and we made white chocolate chip cookies :) And Heather made us beer bread. Mmmm it was so good. I was stuffed.

Tomorrow everyone will be gone and Tina and I will be here all alone.

I can't wait to have the suite to myself.

We Built This City

It's the first day of Spring Break here on campus. Usually I feel very scared and alone in the dorm by myself. But I do not feel that this year. There are others here in Sellew. I just ran into Shawn Cuevas, and Joanne Lundeen-Wagner. I saw Lao as well. There are people doing laundry in the basement. I am not alone. I like that. I like the idea that I don't have to see people if I don't want to, but if I need them, they are there. Here. In my own dorm instead of all the way across campus.

The breaks I spent alone when I lived in Longden were all very quiet and scary. I always felt so isolated. That if someone came and attacked me there would be nobody to hear me scream. But here I feel like I am in an apartment building. There are people above me and people below me. And though I have yet to see Tina today, I don't feel lonely.

I slept until 3 PM today :) That was nice. Then I went for a walk to the Broadview and ate some lunch. Now I am watching The Mists of Avalon on TNT and I revised my poem C"rows in Manhattan" an hour ago. Only two or three more poems to go. With any luck I'll finish the poetry portion of my portfolio before the night is through :)