My Life is an Open Diary

I'm beginning to wish that nobody knew this thing existed. I'm wishing that no one would read it. Maybe online journals are a bad idea. Maybe there is a purpose to keeping your thoughts to yourself. Having all this stuff out there for everyone to read can lead to misreading, over-reading. Goddess why did I start writing this? Wait no....I know why I started...It's more like why did I TELL anyone about it? I like to write stuff knowing that other people will read it. But most of the stuff I write in here is not the kind of thing I want people in my life to know about. Faceless strangers can read my exploits all they want. It doesnt matter, I won't have to run into them on campus the next day. But it's really not right when journals become a primary source of communication and information among a group of friends.

I don't want to start making every entry a private one, that defeats the purpose in a sense. But I do wish I had excersised more discretion in deciding who I let read this. It's really no differet than a hand written journal. I used to let my very close friends read through my journal entries because there was nothing new in there, nothing they didn't already know. I don't mind my really close friends reading this journal. But now there are poeple who stand outside of my confidence that read this on a regular basis. That I don't like. Knowing that people who only know me in a very superficial way are reading this and judging me by it. You can't write honestly when you are feeling judged.

Now I feel like I have to be on guard when I write. For instance, I'm afraid to write specifically about the incident which inspired this particular entry because I don't want the person who set me off to read yet another entry in which they play the starring role and get yet another far fetched idea based on what I've said here.

No pun intended, but this format allows one to read far too deeply into what's being written.

I wish this weren't such a small campus.

Hack

Ugh.

Here are a couple of little things that have pissed me off today.

1) Woke up to discover that somebody hacked my Neopets account last night. They emptied my shop, stole all of the valuable items from my safety deposit box, and stole the 55,000 NPs out of my bank account. So now I'm basically beginning the game from scratch. It's no fun to play if other people are going to cheat :(

2) Went to Prompt Care and got a free refill on my meds, but the doctor I saw was really unsympathetic. I told him why I hadn't come in earlier for a refill and he chastised me for it. He was like, "we could have given you free samples if you didn't have insurance," and I was like, "well I didn't know that." And then he goes on this big spiel like I'm making excuses and I have to be serious about this and they can't help me if I'm not gonna take this seriously. There are certain things you should not say to someone who is feeling suicidal and I think Dr. J said most of them. Made me feel dumb. He'll be fucking lucky if I ever go back to see him again! Next time I'm gonna ask to see someone else. This guy is a schmuck!

Anyway, I walked home from Prompt Care. That was nice. Haven't taken a walk in a long time. Wrote two pages of my philosophy paper. That is good. Unfortunately I have to bang out 4 journal entries tonight. And I have to wake up early tomorrow and go see Dean Bailey about my incompletes.

God I'm tired.