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Shooting at Heartache
Mar. 1st, 2002 10:33 pmWow, I finally became a featured writer today. (yay!) And what a day it is. So much has happened.
First off, Lindsey is no longer speaking to me. I sent her an email this morning saying how pissed I was about her recasting my part without telling me. Yes, I was pissy when I wrote it but I was not at all MEAN about it. It was only like three lines long and I said something along the lines of, gee Linds thanks for telling me that you recast Kathleen in my part. I know I've been sick and all but you could have at least told me rather than having me find out through your online journal. I am very big on face to face confrontation and it angers me when people do shit behind my back. I've been sick, if she had said "hey Carla, I'm gonna recast you" I would have said "thank god, go ahead." The fact that she didn't have the courtesy to even inform me is what irked me. Here is the exact email I got in response to that.....
"ok...
first of all, i havent talked to u or i would have told u. second, the castlist was not fucking written in stone. third, its a fucking ap movie and if youre gonna get pissed at me for something like that, then fuck u. fourth...the movie is NOT ABOUT YOU!!! fifth, i dont think we should talk for awhile because i dont feel like dealing with your fucking melodrama right now."
First off the whole I never see you is a crock of shit. Sure she never sees me but weve spoken on IM almost everyday. That arguement hardly holds water. And furthermore, I was not rude when I wrote her, nor did I attack her as a person, nor did I use profanity. I even wrote a second email saying I was sorry for the outburst. I don't think I deserved that kind of response from a girl who is supposed to be my best friend! So I wrote her back saying maybe we shouldnt talk again...ever.
Like I said before, I am discovering that I really don't like most of my friends around here. I will be relieved when they graduate and I can break out of this clique. I'm pissed at how elitist we have become in our own way, how shut off we have become from the rest of campus. I hate how Lindsey talks shit about Heather behind her back. If she has a problem she should have the balls to approach people about them. I don't want to shut myself off from the rest of the world. I want to be honest with the people I care about and I want that honesty to lead to new friendships.
So, if Lindsey doesnt want to talk to me fine. I have even less need for her shit than she has for mine.
So initially this all upset me quite a bit. But then I began to feel relieved. I thought to myself, "now that I don't have to go see Ghost World tonight with Linds I can plan a whole new night for myself." And I did :)
After I got off work I ran into Adrienne Hill (oooo ADRIEEEENNNNNEEEEE *drool*) I was on my way to go see Natania's reading and she decided she would come with me. So we went and it was a really cool talk. Natania is so smart! And Adrienne sat next to me and twice during the reading, whether accidentally or on purpose I don't know, Adrienne touched my arm, which of course sent HUGE shivers up my spine. Heather and Steffi were at the reading too and we all went to dinner afterwards where we ate chicken soup and drew smiley faces on bananas :)Heather told me that she doesn't even consider Lindsey and Dave her friends anymore. And rightly so since they don't consider her a friend either. You gotta respect Heather, she knows when to let go and move on.
While in the caf we were joined by Mary, Gayle, Dave Kraus, Gemma, and Heather H who had her guitar and serenaded us at the table. She has such a pretty voice :) I just wanted to drag her home and make her sing me to sleep. But instead all of us, sans Gayle and Mary decided to go see the Really Useless Improv Troup, who were hilarious as usual. Adrienne and I were sitting next to each other and Jennie O. kept making fun of us, daring us to kiss and saying that she could see a beautiful relationship on the horizon. I WISH! Adrienne is so cool (and I'm gonna get all junior high here for a moment) but I don't think she likes me. But somehow just fawning over her is enough to keep me happy.
Wow this entry is so stream of consciousness. I just wanted to get everything down before I forgot it. The day started out sucking, but it ended up really fun :) I'm sure I could have gotten an invitation to go out drinking with Heather H or Adrienne, but I'm tired and need to relax since I've been running around all day.
Oh and here is the lesson of the day, this came to me in the Music Library after reading Lindsey's email,
It is not hate that makes one silent, it is intimidation.
Toodles for now :)
Happy Carla
First off, Lindsey is no longer speaking to me. I sent her an email this morning saying how pissed I was about her recasting my part without telling me. Yes, I was pissy when I wrote it but I was not at all MEAN about it. It was only like three lines long and I said something along the lines of, gee Linds thanks for telling me that you recast Kathleen in my part. I know I've been sick and all but you could have at least told me rather than having me find out through your online journal. I am very big on face to face confrontation and it angers me when people do shit behind my back. I've been sick, if she had said "hey Carla, I'm gonna recast you" I would have said "thank god, go ahead." The fact that she didn't have the courtesy to even inform me is what irked me. Here is the exact email I got in response to that.....
"ok...
first of all, i havent talked to u or i would have told u. second, the castlist was not fucking written in stone. third, its a fucking ap movie and if youre gonna get pissed at me for something like that, then fuck u. fourth...the movie is NOT ABOUT YOU!!! fifth, i dont think we should talk for awhile because i dont feel like dealing with your fucking melodrama right now."
First off the whole I never see you is a crock of shit. Sure she never sees me but weve spoken on IM almost everyday. That arguement hardly holds water. And furthermore, I was not rude when I wrote her, nor did I attack her as a person, nor did I use profanity. I even wrote a second email saying I was sorry for the outburst. I don't think I deserved that kind of response from a girl who is supposed to be my best friend! So I wrote her back saying maybe we shouldnt talk again...ever.
Like I said before, I am discovering that I really don't like most of my friends around here. I will be relieved when they graduate and I can break out of this clique. I'm pissed at how elitist we have become in our own way, how shut off we have become from the rest of campus. I hate how Lindsey talks shit about Heather behind her back. If she has a problem she should have the balls to approach people about them. I don't want to shut myself off from the rest of the world. I want to be honest with the people I care about and I want that honesty to lead to new friendships.
So, if Lindsey doesnt want to talk to me fine. I have even less need for her shit than she has for mine.
So initially this all upset me quite a bit. But then I began to feel relieved. I thought to myself, "now that I don't have to go see Ghost World tonight with Linds I can plan a whole new night for myself." And I did :)
After I got off work I ran into Adrienne Hill (oooo ADRIEEEENNNNNEEEEE *drool*) I was on my way to go see Natania's reading and she decided she would come with me. So we went and it was a really cool talk. Natania is so smart! And Adrienne sat next to me and twice during the reading, whether accidentally or on purpose I don't know, Adrienne touched my arm, which of course sent HUGE shivers up my spine. Heather and Steffi were at the reading too and we all went to dinner afterwards where we ate chicken soup and drew smiley faces on bananas :)Heather told me that she doesn't even consider Lindsey and Dave her friends anymore. And rightly so since they don't consider her a friend either. You gotta respect Heather, she knows when to let go and move on.
While in the caf we were joined by Mary, Gayle, Dave Kraus, Gemma, and Heather H who had her guitar and serenaded us at the table. She has such a pretty voice :) I just wanted to drag her home and make her sing me to sleep. But instead all of us, sans Gayle and Mary decided to go see the Really Useless Improv Troup, who were hilarious as usual. Adrienne and I were sitting next to each other and Jennie O. kept making fun of us, daring us to kiss and saying that she could see a beautiful relationship on the horizon. I WISH! Adrienne is so cool (and I'm gonna get all junior high here for a moment) but I don't think she likes me. But somehow just fawning over her is enough to keep me happy.
Wow this entry is so stream of consciousness. I just wanted to get everything down before I forgot it. The day started out sucking, but it ended up really fun :) I'm sure I could have gotten an invitation to go out drinking with Heather H or Adrienne, but I'm tired and need to relax since I've been running around all day.
Oh and here is the lesson of the day, this came to me in the Music Library after reading Lindsey's email,
It is not hate that makes one silent, it is intimidation.
Toodles for now :)
Happy Carla
