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Good Morning, Good Morning
Jan. 29th, 2002 07:14 pmI just woke up from a four or five hour nap. I felt a lot better. I did sleep through my fiction writing class though. But thats okay because we didnt have to turn anything in today. Although i do have to turn in a ten page story by thurday eek. And a 5 page philosophy paper on Friday. We were originally supposed to turn that in on thursday as well but Prof. Hord pushed the date back because its midterms and he knows how busy all of us are.
Lindsey, Dave, Gayle and i are going to Chicago this weekend. it should be fun. And ill have all my work done before we leave so i wont have to worry about being lazy while Im out there.
Im killing time until i have to go to poetry class at 7:30. There are lots of others things i could and should be doing with my time. I could be writing any one of my large papers. i could be critiquing lousy student poetry, but I really dont want to do any of that. right no I want to write for myself, for no reason, for no particular audience. Its a rare time that a writer is not writing for anyone. I find that im always writing for sombody even when i write in my journal. I always want to explain events to their fullest so that if some starnger reads it in 50 years they will have a detailed picture of who I am and what i did. I call it my fiction writers syndrom.
My friend Dannielle who i used to let read my diary used to say that i always described events in my life but never talked about how i felt about them. Call it my fatal flaw. I find it hard to express my feeling even to myself within a private forum like a journal. How do i feel right now? I feel like I should be working harder than I am. that I am not as wonderful a student as i aim to be, that I am not as beautiful a person as i aim to be. that I fail to devote myself to anything seriously.
......See this is why i dont talk about my feelings. When i really get going all that come out is this negative shit. All of my low self esteem and stuff. Its not productive and it doesnt make me feel any better. Whereas on the other hand one can imbue description with feeling. All the writers out there know that. It doesnt help me to dwell on what i percieve to be all my negative traits. its better just to write.
And speaking of writing i think Ive done enough for now. Im going to go back to the Gizmo now, watch some TV, maybe work on some things before i go to class. Oh by the way Never take a night time class. they suck. Particularly never take a late night poetry class. poetry loses its luster after 4 hours of it.
Carla
Lindsey, Dave, Gayle and i are going to Chicago this weekend. it should be fun. And ill have all my work done before we leave so i wont have to worry about being lazy while Im out there.
Im killing time until i have to go to poetry class at 7:30. There are lots of others things i could and should be doing with my time. I could be writing any one of my large papers. i could be critiquing lousy student poetry, but I really dont want to do any of that. right no I want to write for myself, for no reason, for no particular audience. Its a rare time that a writer is not writing for anyone. I find that im always writing for sombody even when i write in my journal. I always want to explain events to their fullest so that if some starnger reads it in 50 years they will have a detailed picture of who I am and what i did. I call it my fiction writers syndrom.
My friend Dannielle who i used to let read my diary used to say that i always described events in my life but never talked about how i felt about them. Call it my fatal flaw. I find it hard to express my feeling even to myself within a private forum like a journal. How do i feel right now? I feel like I should be working harder than I am. that I am not as wonderful a student as i aim to be, that I am not as beautiful a person as i aim to be. that I fail to devote myself to anything seriously.
......See this is why i dont talk about my feelings. When i really get going all that come out is this negative shit. All of my low self esteem and stuff. Its not productive and it doesnt make me feel any better. Whereas on the other hand one can imbue description with feeling. All the writers out there know that. It doesnt help me to dwell on what i percieve to be all my negative traits. its better just to write.
And speaking of writing i think Ive done enough for now. Im going to go back to the Gizmo now, watch some TV, maybe work on some things before i go to class. Oh by the way Never take a night time class. they suck. Particularly never take a late night poetry class. poetry loses its luster after 4 hours of it.
Carla
