Lost in the Moment
Jul. 16th, 2003 01:47 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
morrigirlI should say something souldn't I?
Um...still scrounging for a job. Theresa, Josh's roomate, is helping me out. God bless her. And his other roomate Jeff is trying to get me a job at the company where he works. Who knew Josh's roomies would wind up being nicer then him? Theresa says it's just the Bar that's got him all funky, and that I should disregard anything he says to me until after the 31st. But...I dunno. I mean I was hurt the first day or two but now...I mean it would be great to have a boyfriend but I don't even fucking care anymore. I need a job first and foremost.
Reading a book about suicide at the moment. About preventative meassures, how to keep yourself alive. Not that I'm thinking of slitting my wrists or anything, but I have been pretty down lately and I'd be lying if I didn't admit to having suicidal thoughts. No impulses yet though, and i'd like to keep it that way. Thoughts change, actions don't.
The more i think about it, the more I understand why Kirk killed himself, and the more I am able to forgive him for it. He had given up and there was nothing anyone could do to give him hope. He had no friends, no family who cared for him, no job, and no resources. He was all alone. It seems now that death really was the best choice for him as much as i hate to say it. Even though he could have made frinds, could've found a job, and patched things up with his family, he couldn't because he'd lost all hope and will to live. Without that there can be no life. Hope is what propels us from one day into the next. Without it....you might as well kill yourself because life loses its meaning.
Um...still scrounging for a job. Theresa, Josh's roomate, is helping me out. God bless her. And his other roomate Jeff is trying to get me a job at the company where he works. Who knew Josh's roomies would wind up being nicer then him? Theresa says it's just the Bar that's got him all funky, and that I should disregard anything he says to me until after the 31st. But...I dunno. I mean I was hurt the first day or two but now...I mean it would be great to have a boyfriend but I don't even fucking care anymore. I need a job first and foremost.
Reading a book about suicide at the moment. About preventative meassures, how to keep yourself alive. Not that I'm thinking of slitting my wrists or anything, but I have been pretty down lately and I'd be lying if I didn't admit to having suicidal thoughts. No impulses yet though, and i'd like to keep it that way. Thoughts change, actions don't.
The more i think about it, the more I understand why Kirk killed himself, and the more I am able to forgive him for it. He had given up and there was nothing anyone could do to give him hope. He had no friends, no family who cared for him, no job, and no resources. He was all alone. It seems now that death really was the best choice for him as much as i hate to say it. Even though he could have made frinds, could've found a job, and patched things up with his family, he couldn't because he'd lost all hope and will to live. Without that there can be no life. Hope is what propels us from one day into the next. Without it....you might as well kill yourself because life loses its meaning.
