"I think I thought I saw you try."
Apr. 20th, 2004 05:59 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
morrigirlBeen working through those graduate application essay books I bought. Who knew even THEY could make me depressed?! They contain loads of sample essays that are just so much better than anything I could come up with. Not only are they well written, but they contain more impressive information. For instance, just about every applicant mentions some sort of extensive research project they've undertaken. Other discuss experiments they've conducted, programs they've implamented, works they have published. These people were accomplished even before they applied to graduate school. And I'm thinking if these are the kind of people graduate schools want, then I don't have a chance.
Let's face it, I didn't do jack in undergrad. Well, nothing related to academic achievement. I was involved with the radio station all four years, I was involved in theater, I was involved in an experimental spirituality group, but after reading all these essays I'm pretty darn sure none of that will help me get into an MFA program. Admissions committees at the graduate level don't give two shits about your extracurriculars. They want to see stellar grades and they want to see you doing advanced research and community outreach. Needless to say, I am fucked. Sure I can wax poetic about how doing theater changed my life but that won't help me get into a creative writing program nor will it make up for the sorry grades I got my senior and super senior years.
The book I'm reading also has a section on recommendations: how and who to ask for them. This is another field where I'm totally fucked because I didn't make any connections with my undergraduate teachers. The few I felt really drawn to like David Wright and Tom Franklin, all left before I could enter into a mentoring relationship with them. Only took one class with each of them, and while they were both very supportive of me at the time, they left soon after and I never knew either well enough to warrent any extended contact with them. And as I said, I never made any connections with the teachers who are still at Knox so I would feel uncomfortable asking any of them to write recommendations for me.
Th only two people who I think MIGHT do it are Dean Bailey and Natania Rosenfeld. Dean Bailey is actually a sure thing. Seeing that he was my advisor for three years, and is more familiar with my academic performance and personal issues than anyone else at that school he is probably the single most qualified individual to speak of my undergraduate years. Not to mention the fact that he has written recommendations for me in the past when I was trying to transfer. He loves me and I know he'll do anything to help me succeed because...well...he always has :-)
Natania on the other hand is NOT a sure thing but she is the only faculty member still at Knox who I made any sort of intellectual connection with. I took more classes with her than with any other professor so she can certainly speak about my development as a student. And she liked me, always said she did. Always gave me A's. The only rub is that it's been about two years since I took a class with her, and I know she has a tendacy to turn down students who ask for recommendations if she hasn't worked with them in several years. I'll definitely ask her when the time comes, but there's 50/50 chance she'll say no.
But even if she says yes that's only two recommendations and most of the schools I like require three. Finding a third will be a MAJOR problem. Can't ask Monica because she and I never really liked each other nor did I do particularly well in either of classes I took with her. Can't ask Lori Haslam for the same reason. Robin Metz likes me as a person, but I only took one class with him and he certainly isn't familiar enough with my work to recommend me for anything. So I have no idea where this final letter is going to come from, or, worst case scenario, where two of the three will come from.
To remedy the situation I've been looking into summer classes. I figure if I can take a graduate class or two this summer, do really well, and impress my teachers, then I can ask them to write letters of recommendation for me. And that will be really impressive to an admissions committee because it will show that I'm capable of handling a graduate workload, and that I am serious about getting into graduate school. Admissions committees like it when you do preparatory work. But finding a school that offers the right courses at times when I can take them is turning out to be quite a challenge. Thus far I've checked out New School, all the CUNY's, Hofstra and Southampton. The first two aren't offering any graduate courses that would impress an admissions committee of English teachers, and the latter two are only offering week long writing retreats that I can't participate int because I'll be working. Ironically enough NYIT just released it's summer course schedule and there are a couple communications classes that might do the job.
First keep in mind that my schedule is going to change again when school ends. We won't be openned in the evenings or on the weekend so I'm gonna get to work a normal 9-5 M-F week. Which means I can take night time graduate classes :-D So far I've found three classes I think I'd be interested in taking: Vocabulary of the Media Critic which is offered Monday and Tuesday 6-8:40 PM, Media and Culture offered Wednesday and Thursday 6-8:40 PM, and Advanced Journalism Workshop offered Saturday 10:00AM-4:00PM. I was looking for classes that had either a strong writing element or a strong reading and analytical element. These were the only three I could find. Still three is more than enough. Now I just need to find out what the registering protocol is. I can ask Carol or Sebastien, they both take classes here. Since I'm an employee I'll get tuition remission, but I don't know if that only applies to one class or multiple classes. Because...I'd like to take more than one if I can swing it. But I'm pretty sure employees are only allowed one class per term. I wonder if they'd let me take more if I agreed to pay? I'll inquire tomorrow.
Also studying my GRE prep guides. Damn they suck! Not the guides themselves but the practice questions. I can't seem to get the hang of ANY of the verbal questions which makes me feel incredibly inadequate as an English major. I don't know what half the damn words mean, I can't wrap my head around their warped idea of reading comprehension. Blech! Honestly what's the point of a test that only measures your ability to perform well on that particular test? GAH!!! If the verbal is ticking me off I don't even want to think about how terrible I'm gonna feel when I get to the quantitative.
I'm still not sure which programs I'm going to end up applying to. I'm still waiting on information from Hofstra, University of Pittsburgh, and University of New Orleans. At the moment I'm dead set on Art Institute of Chicago, Goucher, Hollins, and Southampton College, but that could change. And over the past couple days I've been revisiting the schools I was initially attracted to back during Junior year like Naropa, Hamline, and University of Arizona, and...they're all still looking really good. I THOUGHT I didn't want to move that far away but...their programs are just so damn good!!!! I might have to apply despite their distance. I don't know yet. Guess I'm still deciding and I won't figure out who the finalists are until application time approaches.
I'd be afraid to move so far away though, not because I'm afraid of the unknown or being on my own, but because I'm afraid I'd losetouch with people. I'm afraid I'd lose the few friendships I have. It can't be smart to put even more distance between long-distance friends.
I'm thinking about all of this. And I don't want to. I wish all my decisions were already made. I wish I knew what I was doing. I hate ambiguity.
Let's face it, I didn't do jack in undergrad. Well, nothing related to academic achievement. I was involved with the radio station all four years, I was involved in theater, I was involved in an experimental spirituality group, but after reading all these essays I'm pretty darn sure none of that will help me get into an MFA program. Admissions committees at the graduate level don't give two shits about your extracurriculars. They want to see stellar grades and they want to see you doing advanced research and community outreach. Needless to say, I am fucked. Sure I can wax poetic about how doing theater changed my life but that won't help me get into a creative writing program nor will it make up for the sorry grades I got my senior and super senior years.
The book I'm reading also has a section on recommendations: how and who to ask for them. This is another field where I'm totally fucked because I didn't make any connections with my undergraduate teachers. The few I felt really drawn to like David Wright and Tom Franklin, all left before I could enter into a mentoring relationship with them. Only took one class with each of them, and while they were both very supportive of me at the time, they left soon after and I never knew either well enough to warrent any extended contact with them. And as I said, I never made any connections with the teachers who are still at Knox so I would feel uncomfortable asking any of them to write recommendations for me.
Th only two people who I think MIGHT do it are Dean Bailey and Natania Rosenfeld. Dean Bailey is actually a sure thing. Seeing that he was my advisor for three years, and is more familiar with my academic performance and personal issues than anyone else at that school he is probably the single most qualified individual to speak of my undergraduate years. Not to mention the fact that he has written recommendations for me in the past when I was trying to transfer. He loves me and I know he'll do anything to help me succeed because...well...he always has :-)
Natania on the other hand is NOT a sure thing but she is the only faculty member still at Knox who I made any sort of intellectual connection with. I took more classes with her than with any other professor so she can certainly speak about my development as a student. And she liked me, always said she did. Always gave me A's. The only rub is that it's been about two years since I took a class with her, and I know she has a tendacy to turn down students who ask for recommendations if she hasn't worked with them in several years. I'll definitely ask her when the time comes, but there's 50/50 chance she'll say no.
But even if she says yes that's only two recommendations and most of the schools I like require three. Finding a third will be a MAJOR problem. Can't ask Monica because she and I never really liked each other nor did I do particularly well in either of classes I took with her. Can't ask Lori Haslam for the same reason. Robin Metz likes me as a person, but I only took one class with him and he certainly isn't familiar enough with my work to recommend me for anything. So I have no idea where this final letter is going to come from, or, worst case scenario, where two of the three will come from.
To remedy the situation I've been looking into summer classes. I figure if I can take a graduate class or two this summer, do really well, and impress my teachers, then I can ask them to write letters of recommendation for me. And that will be really impressive to an admissions committee because it will show that I'm capable of handling a graduate workload, and that I am serious about getting into graduate school. Admissions committees like it when you do preparatory work. But finding a school that offers the right courses at times when I can take them is turning out to be quite a challenge. Thus far I've checked out New School, all the CUNY's, Hofstra and Southampton. The first two aren't offering any graduate courses that would impress an admissions committee of English teachers, and the latter two are only offering week long writing retreats that I can't participate int because I'll be working. Ironically enough NYIT just released it's summer course schedule and there are a couple communications classes that might do the job.
First keep in mind that my schedule is going to change again when school ends. We won't be openned in the evenings or on the weekend so I'm gonna get to work a normal 9-5 M-F week. Which means I can take night time graduate classes :-D So far I've found three classes I think I'd be interested in taking: Vocabulary of the Media Critic which is offered Monday and Tuesday 6-8:40 PM, Media and Culture offered Wednesday and Thursday 6-8:40 PM, and Advanced Journalism Workshop offered Saturday 10:00AM-4:00PM. I was looking for classes that had either a strong writing element or a strong reading and analytical element. These were the only three I could find. Still three is more than enough. Now I just need to find out what the registering protocol is. I can ask Carol or Sebastien, they both take classes here. Since I'm an employee I'll get tuition remission, but I don't know if that only applies to one class or multiple classes. Because...I'd like to take more than one if I can swing it. But I'm pretty sure employees are only allowed one class per term. I wonder if they'd let me take more if I agreed to pay? I'll inquire tomorrow.
Also studying my GRE prep guides. Damn they suck! Not the guides themselves but the practice questions. I can't seem to get the hang of ANY of the verbal questions which makes me feel incredibly inadequate as an English major. I don't know what half the damn words mean, I can't wrap my head around their warped idea of reading comprehension. Blech! Honestly what's the point of a test that only measures your ability to perform well on that particular test? GAH!!! If the verbal is ticking me off I don't even want to think about how terrible I'm gonna feel when I get to the quantitative.
I'm still not sure which programs I'm going to end up applying to. I'm still waiting on information from Hofstra, University of Pittsburgh, and University of New Orleans. At the moment I'm dead set on Art Institute of Chicago, Goucher, Hollins, and Southampton College, but that could change. And over the past couple days I've been revisiting the schools I was initially attracted to back during Junior year like Naropa, Hamline, and University of Arizona, and...they're all still looking really good. I THOUGHT I didn't want to move that far away but...their programs are just so damn good!!!! I might have to apply despite their distance. I don't know yet. Guess I'm still deciding and I won't figure out who the finalists are until application time approaches.
I'd be afraid to move so far away though, not because I'm afraid of the unknown or being on my own, but because I'm afraid I'd losetouch with people. I'm afraid I'd lose the few friendships I have. It can't be smart to put even more distance between long-distance friends.
I'm thinking about all of this. And I don't want to. I wish all my decisions were already made. I wish I knew what I was doing. I hate ambiguity.
