*laugh* I think Oh-So-Adrienne Day should be considered a national holiday. Therefore, on this day, go ye forth in celebration of me! (That means you too, Gayle and Jay.)
(Digital packrat? Easily distracted? What in the hell does that mean?)
1. Do not wake up right away. Set your alarm a good hour and a half before you actually plan to get up, and keep peevishly pushing the snooze button until you absolutely have to wake up or risk being embarrassingly late. (Note: the key word here is embarrassingly; a true Adrienne always shows up a good three to five minutes late, with a slightly abashed look on her face.)
2. Pick out your cutest, girliest outfit to wear. (Yes, this goes for everybody; I don't care what gender you are.) Refuse to give a flying fuck about whether or not it makes you look fat. As you're putting it on, turn your stereo on and listen to either riot grrrl punk or cracked out Japanese music. Bounce around obnoxiously to the music, singing at the top of your lungs, and do not stop until an angry neighbor pounds on your door. When that happens, hide somewhere in a back corner of whatever room you're in, and do not answer the door. Remember: a true Adrienne does not own her embarrassing acts when she can help it.
3. Be social and funny. Remember: everything is a sexual innuendo, and a cigar is never just a cigar. Except that's a bad comparison to make, because it puts one in mind of Freud, and just like any true Adrienne, you think Freud is a sexist pig who was so insecure about the size of his own penis that he constructed a theory to make it bigger. Flirt with everyone. Except the person you really like; when she enters the room, stare at her in dumb silence, and utter incomprehensible syllables whenever she talks to you. Remember: everyone wants an Adrienne, except for the person that Adrienne wants.
4. Do not get anything accomplished. Come up with a long, pretentious explanation of your current project; read lots of books about it; be able to speak hyperintelligently on whatever subject you're currently supposed to be exploring; buy a notebook and fill it with endless to-do lists; but don't actually get anything done. This is key. If you accomplish anything, you've lost all your credibility as an Adrienne. Set yourself up to get something accomplished, and then check your e-mail and your LiveJournal compulsively. Do not stop until you've read every single LJ entry you can, and cleared out your mailbox-- and then clean your room, or write a letter to your friend, or something.
5. Go to a movie with your friends, and deconstruct it from every possible angle. This may sound strenuous, but remember: a true Adrienne never turns off her inner pretentious postmodern cultural critic. Explain why obscure bits of dialogue were problematic from a feminist and/or queer perspective. (Bonus points if you can somehow work Judith Butler into the mix.) Loudly insist, to anyone who will hear you and quite a few people who won't, that those two male protagonists in the film were clearly having butt sex behind the scenes. Try to work in a scholarly explanation of why they were having butt sex. Remember: Lord of the Rings is your favorite gay-themed film.
6. At the end of the day, having still accomplished nothing, sit down in front of your TV and watch Buffy reruns on DVD-- preferably something from the second season. Swoon over Willow-- geek girls are so hot. Keep a bottle of tequila next to you, and take shots every time David Boreanaz broods.
* * *
And that, my friends, is how you celebrate Oh-So-Adrienne day.
*laugh* I thought I might be tapping in to universal human experience with some of those...
Nonetheless, go forth and celebrate Adrienne! And tell your friends to do the same! Oh yeah, and... if you know any hott, single girls, send them my way. That, above all other things, is the spirit of Oh-So-Adrienne day.
I didn't feel like writing Other Mike Version 1.0 and so I didn't. Wait...damnit!
Anyway, there will never be a OM V...er, me day.
POOOR QUUUEE?!?!
People would celebrate my day by a) sleeping until 2, b) eating a lot, c) having huge, huge, gargantuan orgies. Spontaneous ones, with lots and lots of kink, and d) kill everyone in sight after fucking them senseless.
Let it be known that, so far, I have only participated in a and b, though that will change, my friends, that will change...
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no subject
Date: 2004-02-19 06:35 am (UTC)(Digital packrat? Easily distracted? What in the hell does that mean?)
Re:
Date: 2004-02-19 07:38 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-02-19 09:01 am (UTC)1. Do not wake up right away. Set your alarm a good hour and a half before you actually plan to get up, and keep peevishly pushing the snooze button until you absolutely have to wake up or risk being embarrassingly late. (Note: the key word here is embarrassingly; a true Adrienne always shows up a good three to five minutes late, with a slightly abashed look on her face.)
2. Pick out your cutest, girliest outfit to wear. (Yes, this goes for everybody; I don't care what gender you are.) Refuse to give a flying fuck about whether or not it makes you look fat. As you're putting it on, turn your stereo on and listen to either riot grrrl punk or cracked out Japanese music. Bounce around obnoxiously to the music, singing at the top of your lungs, and do not stop until an angry neighbor pounds on your door. When that happens, hide somewhere in a back corner of whatever room you're in, and do not answer the door. Remember: a true Adrienne does not own her embarrassing acts when she can help it.
3. Be social and funny. Remember: everything is a sexual innuendo, and a cigar is never just a cigar. Except that's a bad comparison to make, because it puts one in mind of Freud, and just like any true Adrienne, you think Freud is a sexist pig who was so insecure about the size of his own penis that he constructed a theory to make it bigger. Flirt with everyone. Except the person you really like; when she enters the room, stare at her in dumb silence, and utter incomprehensible syllables whenever she talks to you. Remember: everyone wants an Adrienne, except for the person that Adrienne wants.
4. Do not get anything accomplished. Come up with a long, pretentious explanation of your current project; read lots of books about it; be able to speak hyperintelligently on whatever subject you're currently supposed to be exploring; buy a notebook and fill it with endless to-do lists; but don't actually get anything done. This is key. If you accomplish anything, you've lost all your credibility as an Adrienne. Set yourself up to get something accomplished, and then check your e-mail and your LiveJournal compulsively. Do not stop until you've read every single LJ entry you can, and cleared out your mailbox-- and then clean your room, or write a letter to your friend, or something.
5. Go to a movie with your friends, and deconstruct it from every possible angle. This may sound strenuous, but remember: a true Adrienne never turns off her inner pretentious postmodern cultural critic. Explain why obscure bits of dialogue were problematic from a feminist and/or queer perspective. (Bonus points if you can somehow work Judith Butler into the mix.) Loudly insist, to anyone who will hear you and quite a few people who won't, that those two male protagonists in the film were clearly having butt sex behind the scenes. Try to work in a scholarly explanation of why they were having butt sex. Remember: Lord of the Rings is your favorite gay-themed film.
6. At the end of the day, having still accomplished nothing, sit down in front of your TV and watch Buffy reruns on DVD-- preferably something from the second season. Swoon over Willow-- geek girls are so hot. Keep a bottle of tequila next to you, and take shots every time David Boreanaz broods.
And that, my friends, is how you celebrate Oh-So-Adrienne day.
no subject
Date: 2004-02-19 12:22 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-02-19 12:30 pm (UTC)Nonetheless, go forth and celebrate Adrienne! And tell your friends to do the same! Oh yeah, and... if you know any hott, single girls, send them my way. That, above all other things, is the spirit of Oh-So-Adrienne day.
OM V 1.0 Day
Date: 2004-02-19 02:04 pm (UTC)Anyway, there will never be a OM V...er, me day.
POOOR QUUUEE?!?!
People would celebrate my day by a) sleeping until 2, b) eating a lot, c) having huge, huge, gargantuan orgies. Spontaneous ones, with lots and lots of kink, and d) kill everyone in sight after fucking them senseless.
Let it be known that, so far, I have only participated in a and b, though that will change, my friends, that will change...
That said, anyone up for an orgy? ;)
Re: OM V 1.0 Day
Date: 2004-02-19 03:46 pm (UTC)